The Shadows Within
by cheyenne710
Summary: Callisia Vanserra, hidden daughter of the High Lord of the Autumn court makes herself known when she finally flees the only home she has ever known. Running to join her brother in the night court may bring her to the person she needed to find to truly find herself
1. Chapter 1 (07-10 09:39:56)

5 years. It had been 5 years since the war. Prythian was still healing, still rebuilding. So much had been lost that day, so many lives changed. Death still clung about the courts though the bodies were long gone, some buried, others burned. All sent off with a prayer to the mother, a hope of peace on the other side. The courts were healing now, the world almost a better place. Almost, the word caught in my mind. Sometimes I wondered if my life would've been different had I not been born to the Autumn court. Not that the court was really the problem, no the real problem was the one who still ruled us, the man we called High Lord, the man who was also my father.


	2. Chapter 2

I stared at myself in the mirror hating what stared back at me. Not that I wasn't beautiful, no one could ever look at me and say that. I saw the way the other fae looked at me the rare times I walked through the Autumn court, and believe me they were rare. I watched them all. I was good at observing, always had been. The men who's eyes lingered longer then proper, the way they would glaze over as they raked across my body. The women who would give me a sneer and a small shake of their head, lips pursed in anger at the beauty I held. I didn't ask to be this way, maybe that was why father had kept me hidden away. My mother told me that although all high fae were born beautiful and graceful, there were always a handful that the cauldron seemed to bless just a little bit more. Perhaps that was what I was. I looked nothing like them, my family in name and blood but not much else. I loved my mother but there was a part of me that was unforgiving towards her. She let my father lock me away, keep me from prying eyes and loose lips. My brothers were not like me, they had free reign of our home. They mostly ignored me, only deigning to speak with me when they must, their tones usually clipped and guarded as if I might break. I didn't have love for them, maybe once but not after what they did to Lucien. I still remember that day, the screaming and the pain. The look is his eyes as he watched his love die. They had always hated him, just another contender for a throne they all fought about. Lucien though, he was always different. He taught me things no one else bothered with and he always made time to visit with me, to show me kindness and love that most families would show with ease. After he left my world crumbled, I felt loneliness like no other. Eris, my twin in everything but looks, tried to speak with me but I could barely look at him. He had let them hurt Lucien so many times, had stood by while they tortured Jasminda. We may have shared a womb but our souls were made of something quite different. I studied myself in the mirror; the golden blond hair with flecks of red throughout, the eyes so blue they were almost like shards of ice, my skin always ivory smooth never a blemish to be seen. Yes the image was beautiful, it was the weakness that I saw that made my stomach turn. 


	3. Chapter 3

"Admiring yourself sister?" A voice drawled from behind me. I didn't need to turn around to know which of my brothers spoke, I had felt him before I had heard him. My twin, my other half most would say, my brother Eris. I turned to him and gave him a fleeting glance before strolling over to the window and looking out at the sun slowly setting. 

I felt Eris move across the room until he was standing beside me, arms almost touching my own. "One of these days you will have to speak to me again." He stated, his tone blunt. I felt his eyes on me but I still didn't turn to him, didn't even acknowledge his presence. He had done this every day since his return from the war, the day they had all returned. He had come straight to my room smelling of blood and mud though he was clean. It was as if the smell of war clung within his skin. He had told me everything; of the war, of seeing Lucien dressed in the garb of the Night Court. "Is he okay?" I had asked my voice small, unshed tears behind my eyes.

"He is. I would assume his allegiance to the Spring Court has come to an end, perhaps when I am High Lord he can be persuaded to return for a visit." Eris had replied before launching into his next tale. He was to take the throne when the time was right. He had the Night Court at his back, had struck a bargain for the support when he chose to overthrow our father. He knew our brothers would fall in line, had told me so with a gleam in his eye.

"After so much death today and you speak of more as if it were nothing." I murmured. "And what will you have from me? You must want something or else why would you be here telling me of your plans?"

My twins face hardened and his eyes darkened with anger. "You are my sister, my twin. Though we do not share a face we once shared a womb. Do not think I have ever thought of you as anything less then me."

That surprised me, though Eris had acknowledged my presence more then the others, I had assumed he had dismissed what I was. Yes I was his sister and as children we had been close, but eventually the power he strived to find had broken us apart. Perhaps if he had shown more kindness to Lucien, to many others, I might not have pulled away from him as much. 

"And when you are High Lord, what will you have of me? Will you keep me locked away like our father?"

"I would never." Eris stated. It was a blunt statement and shame clouded his features. "I have never agreed with what he did. Even mother is allowed to leave the court by his side when he deems it to be acceptable. I think he fears for you out there. I don't know if it is out of love and wishes to keep you safe or out of pride to keep a glimmering jewel tucked away so he might treasure it always."

I had never heard Eris speak like this before. He was right though, father coveted power and liked to keep his prized possessions to himself. That's what I was, a pocession to store until he had need for it. I silently took the hand of my twin and we sat together for the first time in a long time. Perhaps this could've been the start of something new between us but it wasn't meant to be. 5 years had passed since that conversation and nothing had come of it. Father still sat the throne, still reigned as High Lord of the Autumn Court, and now he was taking offers. Offers for a marriage to his beautiful daughter. 

"I will not let it happen" Eris stated. "I need you to trust me."

I finally looked at him, our eyes held for a few minutes before I spoke "Father will not let you stop him, things have been quiet since the war. He wishes to remain known and so he has pulled a card that has been hidden up his sleeve too long. He will sell me for the right price, whether it be for power or something more sinister we will see."

A light sadness showed in my brothers eyes, something I rarely seen from him. "I have made mistakes. Many things I cannot change, relationships I may never salvage. I don't want us to be something too broken to put back together. I will find a way even if it means risking what I have built if it means you will be safe. I once knew a woman who took drastic measures because she was being pushed into a life she didn't want. I will not have you turn so desperate you become reckless. Father will not hesitate to make an example of you if need be."

Something inside me lightened. Here was my brother, my twin, the one who I had loved with all my heart once. I believed in that moment he would risk his life to keep my safe. I layed a hand across his arm and offered him a weak smile. "Thank you. Your heart is good whether you believe it or not. Focus your attention of taking this throne away from him, be prepared before you strike. He may not suspect you now, but we both know he is always ready for the possibility. Take the throne and make this court what it was meant to be."

I would not let him sacrifice everything he had been working toward for 5 years. The court, the people, all deserved a change. Eris was cruel and vicious but he was fair and efficient. He was not our father, he would reign in control and weild his power here in a way that could change everything. No, having him sacrifice himself for me was unacceptable. I had to figure this out for myself, the pictures of weakness I spied in the mirror everyday would not define me. 


	4. Chapter 4

Every court has its secrets. I had been confined to the Autumn Court for a very long time and had learned all there was to know of it. My father didn't know that I listened to everything the was said, I had made it somewhat of a hobby to uncover the secrets and mysteries of my home. I was going to use its secrets and escape. I thought I had accepted my fate a long time ago, accepted that I was to live in solitude. My father, when he deigned to speak to me, made it sound like a gift he had bestowed upon me. "My sweet autumn leaf, too delicate to be kept away from my watchful eye," he used to say whenever I would ask why I couldn't leave. I was given lessons as a girl, learned to read and write as well as any other high fae. I would watch my brothers train, hone their powers, and I would burn with jealousy. Why couldn't I do that? I had powers of my own, powers so strong I could feel them always just under my skin, waiting to be unleashed. It had happened once, I had been so angry that he wouldn't let me be like them that I had expoloded. Fire had poured from every bit of me, bright gold and stiffleling hot. My father had shielded himself just in time but even then I will never forget the sweat that had dotted his brow after, as if the strength of holding the shield had taken a toll on him. "You will never again use your power!" He had screamed at me, my mother had sat in the corner crying, afraid of me it would seem. She had cringed the next time she had been near and I had always remembered the look she had given me, the same one she used with my father on his bad days. One of fear, maybe even loathing at what she had created. After that day she never looked me like that again, but I still remembered it so very clear in my mind. I hadn't used my powers of the Autumn Court since, afraid of the golden fire that lived within. I had learned to winnow though, Lucien had trained with me in secret before he had left. Lucien, the brother I hoped still thought of me as often as I had thought of him. I knew where he was, had heard father discussing it with a sneer. "Ran off to Velaris with the night court, a beggar without a home," he had boomed while my brothers laughed at the dinner table with him. I didn't know the exact location of where Velaris was, but I did know of a tracking spell I would use to find my brother. It was ancient, something I had learned from in our libraries. It only worked within bloodlines. It had taken me years to master it but I knew how. I had never tried it at such a long distance but I had no other options. I could ask Eris but I didn't want him privy to what I was planning. Come tomorrow night the court would be busy with the celebration of the Winter Solstice, everyone would be busy drinking and the noise would be loud enough that my escape would be easy enough. I had done it before, prepared to run and almost made it before I had turned back in fright. My father terrified me, he was known as the cruelest of the High Lords for a reason, if he caught me I didn't know what he would do but I knew he wouldn't appear as weak. He would punish me, perhaps even let my brothers hunt me. I had never had much to lose, but this time I knew that if I did not leave I would end up going from one prison right into another. 


	5. Chapter 5

The celebration was it its peak. I could hear it through my walls. The laughter here was rare, but Winter Solstice brought out the happiness in these people. I think they took it as a gift from my father, it was the only celebration he allowed to take place within his Court. I had on a simple dress of burnt orange, my hair braided and falling down one shoulder. I had hidden a pack near the entrance of the tunnel I would use to escape earlier that morning. My daily walk through the garden had made it easy to do so. When you lived by a schedule people didn't ask questions. I hadn't told Eris of my plans for the evening, only asked that he keep the west gardens unguarded and empty. He had looked at me and for a moment his eyes had shined, but it was gone as quick as it had come and he had left my room without another word. 

I left my room, the halls empty, everyone would be in the throne room and around the outside forests drinking and eating. I was quick, my footsteps quiet and light. It was easy, almost too easy. Eris must've done more then I asked as I didn't run into a single person on the pathway from my room to the west entrance. From there I would cut through the garden and into the tunnel, hidden and warded but simple enough to break with the blood of the High Lord running through my veins. I looked back at my home once on the edge on the garden and truly felt nothing, no lingering sadness and with every step I took away I felt my heart lighten. Almost as if the darkness had clouded it. I reached the entrance and quickly changed into the garb I had stolen last night, a outfit of grey fighting leather. The clothes, though foreign to me, felt right and I marvaled at the feeling of them. I threw the dress to the ground and left it before I climbed through the tunnel without looking back.


	6. Chapter 6

The tunnel was long and took hours to get through, by the time I made it to the edge of the Winter Court I could already see dawn beginning to break. Father would learn I had left soon, once I didn't make my appearance at the breakfast table he would send a servant to my room to bring me down. There were many rules to follow in the court and eating our meals together was once of them, some might see it as a family event but I saw it as a way to keep us all under fathers thumb. Just another way he was able to control us. Snow and ice stretched across me now, the Winter Court stood tall and sparkling in the distance. I wasn't going to cross the land on foot, I had no permission to be on this land and I knew of the white bears that protected it against unwanted visitors. I knew I had the power to winnow across, it would take time to get to the night court though. My power only extended so far. I winnowed across the beautiful frozen lake and found myself on the other side in the middle of the forest. I felt a chill creep across my spine being here. I knew what happened here, the 50 years of under the mountain fresh in my mind. I had been able to stay in the Autumn court throughout most of it until Amarantha had forced my father and the other High Lords to her side. My father forbid me from speaking to anyone, I spent our time there in utter silence. I hated being this close to it but didn't have a choice but to continue my journey on foot for now. Winnowing across all of the winter court had depleted my power fast having not been used in so long. I would need to journey through here as fast as I could, hopefully put more ground between my father and myself. 

I knew there were dangers here other then my memories, I had read everything I could about our land but it still didn't prepare me to face down anything. I had studied the maps and knew where to avoid, I had to pray that would be enough. I had been walking for hours, making a slow but steady pace, the sun would go down in a few hours and I would need to find a place to rest. I heard a noise to my left and stopped to listen for a moment. It had been faint but there was definitely something there. I waited until I heard it again, a clacking sound coming from within the copse of trees on my other side now. I began to run. Whatever it was followed, the forest caused sound to echo and I felt like whatever the thing was it was everywhere waiting for my to falter so it could devour me. I would never be able to outrun it but maybe I could fight, use my power against it. I could hear it gaining ground and knew it was go down attempting to fight or just lay down and die. I stopped and focused on catching my breath while I scanned the area around me. I could sense it's presence, knew it was lurking just beyond waiting for me to make a move. I felt the heat under my skin and willed it to life within, or at least tried to. The flames flicked up my hands twice before flickering and dying. A hollow wet laugh sounded everywhere around me as I tried and failed again to make the power shine. 

"Poor little broken match." A slimy voice laughed as 3 disgusting creatures stepped out of the middle trees. They were tree bark and mud all in one. Their arms long and hands ending in twig like sharp claws, their mouths were open in hideously carved smiles with long crooked wooden teeth filling the dark space within. They were sizing me up for lunch. 

I stared back at them willing the flame to appear. Please, help me, I silently prayed to myself. The flame remained quiet though I could feel it under my skin burning within. They all laughed again, the guttural laugh and began moving forward. I was afraid but I was also angry, how dare they laugh at me, if they knew the power I felt they would tremble in fear. I clenched my fists and felt it then, that hot fire glowing inside and all around me. They stopped laughing and began to whisper amoungst each other watching me, the fire was growing stronger and I knew I could yield it if they came any closer. Perhaps they knew, could sense what I had within. They looked to be hesitating and I backed a slight step willing them to just leave. The one in the middle had no intention of backing down however and it charged first, I threw my hands up, those claws inches from me and the fire poured out. The creature was covered in golden heat and the screaming seared my bones. The other two stood petrified as their brother fell to the ground screaming and burning until it was suddenly silent. They stood and stared me down, I was in shock staring at the ashes coating the forest floor before they were carried away on a silent wind. I looked up to see death written upon their faces, they clacked their teeth at me and stalked closer. I tried to will the fire again but couldn't get it to come to the surface. They realized the same moment I did and identical smiles broke their faces apart. "You killed our brother" the one on the left rasped, flexing its fingers, "You will die fire witch."

They came at me and something landed hard between us cutting them off. Massive Illyrian wings and shadows filled the area and with two expertly wielded swings of a blade the two creatures went down in a pile of black blood. 

The man turned to me and I had to fight to contain the gasp that wished to escape. He was beautiful, there was other word to describe him. His hazel eyes watched me take him in, never leaving my face. We stared each other down for what could've been hours before he finally moved toward me half an inch. 

"I was sent for you by your brother, would you allow me to escort you to Velaris to see him?"

"Lucien sent you? How did he know?" I gasped. 

The man held out his hand to me, "I do not know the details only that I am to escort you safely to Velaris my lady."

I hesitated for a moment, could this be some trick of my fathers to bring me back to the Autumn court? I looked into the hazel eyes again and found sadness and darkness there, but nothing in them that made me afraid. I took his hand and he pulled me close into his body before stretching out his wings and talking to the sky. 


	7. Chapter 7

I had never flown though the air before. Father would quite possibly of dropped dead if he saw me in the arms of an Illyrian warrior right now. The man, who's name I still did not know, held me tight and sure as he flew with precision and grace. I found myself watching him, admiring the elegant planes of his face. Lucien had sent him, my brother had sent this warrior to protect me. I thought back to the forest, he hadn't stared at me like all the other men. He was here to do a job and he was very good at his job from what I had witnessed. 

"Is my brother alright?" I yelled to him over the wind needing to hear about him. 

The man looked down at me and studied my face, a small crinkle appeared by his eye as though he had almost laughed. "He is fine my lady, he is most anxious to see you from what I gathered before departing."

I smiled at that, Lucien had not forgotten me even though it had been so long since we had seen one another. "Please, call me Cali." I called up to him. 

"As you wish." Was his response before shifting course and heading straight down. I clung to his body tightly but he never once loosened his grip on me as we made a gentle landing on a balcony overlooking the city. 

The view was breathtaking, the city awash in light and music drifting all around. I had done it, I had left and already this place was better then any in the Autumn court.

I turned around to find the man standing stiff by the door watching me intently. I offered him a smile and he gestured to the view with a sweep of his hand. "Welcome to Velaris, if you'll follow me inside I will bring you to your brother."

I nodded and stepped towards him glancing once behind my back at the view again. He opened the door and I made to step through but stopped just at the threshold. "What is your name?" I asked as he gave me a peculiar look.

He thought it over for a moment, almost as if he didn't wish to reveal it to me. I made to move inside but he stopped me gently with a light touch on my arm, "My name is Azriel," he said quietly. I gave a nod and moved inside to my awaiting brother. 


	8. Chapter 8

I stepped through the door way into a large dining area it would seem. There was a table and chairs in the middle, food and drink already across the top. The light was bright and the atmosphere friendly and standing in the middle my brother. His red hair was pulled behind his head, his clothes were clean and cut perfectly to fit him. His eyes, one real and one a whirring metal, took me in silently. He made to take a step forward and hesitated as if he didn't know how I would react. I ran to him and threw myself into him, his arms immediately circling and holding me tight. 

"I had almost lost any hope of ever seeing you again." I cried into his dark blue tunic, tears falling freely now. 

Lucien said nothing, just held me tight and ran his fingers through my hair to calm me. I finally pulled away and we stood, watching each other, taking everything in. The scar on his face shone and my heart broke at it, but there was no sadness there just a glowing happiness at taking me in. 

"I am so glad you're okay, when I found out you had run I was terrified of what would find you before I could." Lucien said, fingers sliding to catch a falling tear. 

"How did you know I was coming?"

Lucien looked down at that and seem to consider his words for a moment before deciding. "Eris told me. He sent a message warning what you were doing and what course you would likely take. He told me if anything became of you that he would carve out my other eye."

I jolted at his words. Eris had warned him, sent him to me to make sure my journey was successful. "He acted as if he didn't even care." I murmured thinking back to this morning. 

"You are the only person Eris has ever cared about besides himself." Lucien said, he hadn't been able to tear his gaze from me nor I from him. 

I heard a throat clear and realized there were others in the room, I froze. 

"It's okay," Lucien said turning to the people seated around the living area, watching me with curiosity. "Everyone, this is my younger sister Callisia of the Autumn Court."

"I am no longer of the Autumn court." I declared bluntly. 

"I don't blame you," the handsome man in the centre drawled. "If I came from the Autumn court I would rather be impaled then go back."

"Thank you Rhys." Lucien said a bit stiffly earning him a sweeping bow from who I realized was the ruler of the Night Court. 

"High Lord." I said quickly going to kneel before him but he held up a hand. 

"Please don't," he said. "Any friend of Luciens is welcome here in our city, he has proven himself a worthy ally and friend." 

I could've sworn Luciens face went as red as his hair for a moment before he recovered himself. "Let me introduce you sister. This is Cassian, Mor and the High Lady of the Night Court Feyre." He said pointing them all out to me in turn. "Of course you have already met Azriel." 

I hadn't noticed him standing by the wall until Lucien pointed him out. The Shadows around him were thick and whispering in his ear, but as he moved away from the wall and gave a quick incline of his head they vanished. 

"Please come sit," the female, sorry High Lady, said to me moving aside and giving me a glorious smile. "And please call me Feyre, we are not formal here."

"Of course we're not, half of Mors wardrobe would be in the garbage if we were." The other man laughed, his face rough and wind blown.

The woman lounging beside him smacked him hard across the chest and gave me a dazzling smile. "Don't let this idiot frighten you off, he doesn't know how to stop the flow of stupidity from his mouth."

I bit down a laugh and sat down, Lucien quickly sliding in beside me. "I am sorry I didn't come for you myself," Lucien began, taking my hand in his. "The message came just as we had sat down for dinner, I didn't know how far you would've traveled and it would've taken me time I couldn't afford. I asked Azriel to find you because I knew he would be able to do it the fastest."

I looked at Azriel, he was studying me intently and gave me a ghost of a smile. "I am very grateful that he did, without him I'm afraid my journey would've ended much sooner then I would've liked." 

"What happened?" Lucien demanded, looking to Azriel as well. 

"Wood nymphs." He said with a shrug. "There were three, she took care of one herself before I had gotten there."

I remembered the fire burning, he must've seen what I did. The evidence was gone before he got there. As if reading my mind he spoke again, directing his words to me, "I was flying and saw the flame, being of Autumn Court I headed straight for that spot."

Lucien bawked at the words Azriel had spoken. "You were able to make the golden flame again?"

I looked down at my hands and nodded silently. "There is something different about this flame Lucien. I can't explain it but it feels foreign to this world. Father warned me against it but I had no other choice."

"Father does not control you anymore then he controls me." Lucien stated. "You power is your gift and your protection. If you want we can work on it together until it feels more natural to you."

I nodded without raising my eyes, I felt the exhaustion deep in my bones. Lucien seemed to sense my tiredness, "Rhys and Feyre have suggested you spend the night here if you wish. Will you be okay in this place or would you like me to stay here with you?"

I looked around the room, the people, and felt the shadows inside ebb away slightly. This place is safe, I told myself. Father couldn't get me here. I stood and stretched my weary body, "Thank you very much, I would be honoured to stay here." I looked to my brother, "Go home and rest, tomorrow we shall catch up on the many years apart."

Lucien smiled brightly and brought my hand to his mouth in a quiet show of affection. Feyre smiled and stood up, linking my arm with hers. "Allow me to show you up your room."

We left everyone and headed down a slight hall before she opened a door on her left and led me inside. It was furnished beautifully in tones of navy blue and gold. "Stay as long as you need." Feyre said as she led me to the bed. "Lucien, he talks very highly of you. I knew him of the Spring Court and I've known him everyday he has been here. I never knew he had a sister until tonight but since the moment he got that message from Eris I have seen something lighten in him. The entire time we waited for Azriel to return, every word he spoke was of you."

I gave her a smile, she was sweet this High Lady. They all seemed to act so different from the Autumn Court it was almost unsettling to actually believe I was here in this place. "I thank you Feyre for your hospitality and for all you have done for my brother."

She smiled at that and took her leave with a slight wave. 


	9. Chapter 9

After bathing I made my way over to the plush bed in the centre of the room and was asleep the second my head hit the pillow. The nightmares began soon after. I dreamed of claws and branches pulling at my hair, refusing to let go. Fire consuming flesh and screaming so high I felt my ear drums threaten to shatter. I woke up in a cold sweat, my chest heaving and took in my surroundings. I was safe, safe from the horrors within the forest and horrors in the Autumn Court. My father was probably livid, seething with anger over my escape. I wonder he guessed where I was or he was searching for his treasure, wanting to return me to my prison. It really hit my then, the place that I called home had been nothing more then a glorified prison holding me and bending me to its will. I got out of bed and walked to the door, opening it to peer into the hallway. Darkness and silence greeted me, everyone must've gone home to bed. I slipped into the hall and walked through the darkness to the balcony doors.

The city didn't fail to take my breath away again. Lights twinkled and music swayed and though it was close to dawn I could still see the stars. 

"The city is truly marvellous isn't it?" A voice asked from behind making me jump. I spun around to see Azriel peeling himself off the wall, the shadows clinging to him as if they did not want to release their own. "I didn't mean to frighten you." He said calmly and moved to stand beside me, not close enough to touch but not too far that I could lean over if I wanted to.

"I think it will be a long time before the world stops scaring me." I breathed lightly, my heart was going a mile a minute and I swore he could hear it. 

"Lucien insisted on a guard, I drew second shift." He said answering the unspoken question. 

"You didn't have to do that, I thought this place was safe."

Azriel examined me from the corner of his eye. "It is, but it doesn't mean you wouldn't awaken and be frightened."

I turned away and surveyed down below again and my heart skipped a beat. "How could anyone be frightened here? I've never known such beauty."

"Nor have I." Azriel replied so lightly it was as if the wind had spoken.

We stood there in silence until day broke and the first signs of watery sun made themselves known over the horizon. When I turned back to him again he was gone as if the night shadows had stolen him away. 

Lucien arrived a few hours later, a smile breaking over his face as he took me in. "I was praying last night had not been a dream." He said pulling me in tight. I hugged him hard and felt the nightmares of last night wash away. After a moment he pulled away and surveyed me closely, "perhaps we should take you to buy some new clothing today."

"Already handled Lucy." Mor exclaimed coming in from the balcony. 

Lucien paled slightly, "I have asked you not to call me that."

"Hmm, must have slipped my mind." Mor said with a shrug. She stood and surveyed me from head to toe. "Such a beauty, this will be fun. Rhys refuses to let me know where he gets all his attire but I do know some hidden gems myself when it comes to finding clothing."

I forced a smile on my face, "that would be lovely." 

Mor beamed as I disappeared down the hall to dress. Someone had laid out a simple dark green dress on my bed and a pair of silk slippers to change into. Truth be told, I had never been shopping. Clothes had always appeared in my armoire whenever I needed them, my mothers doing I suppose. I hoped it would not be awkward, Mor seemed nice enough but I did not really know how to talk to people. Especially people that could become a friend. 

The hours flew by and before I knew it we were tossing our bags into the foyer and parting to ready ourselves for dinner. I couldn't remember the last time I had enjoyed myself so much, had I ever had so much fun. Mor was lovely, and that mouth of hers had kept me laughing all day. She had shown me the shopping district and charged everything to her cousins private account. 

"Does Lucien fit in here?" I had asked over lunch. 

Mor chewed on her bread thoughtfully before answering, "at first no...he wasn't ever supposed to come here. I believe he followed Feyre because of Elaine. During the war he proved himself and everyday since then has brought him closer to our family. I am glad he is here and thinks this place his home."

I was happy. Lucien had finally found a place he was not just needed but welcome. Eris had told me of Elaine, the human turned fae that Lucien had found his mating bond with. "Has she accepted him?"

Mor smiled, "she will. She's still healing from the war. They are close but she is fragile. Your brother is patient enough to break down her walls one by one, she will be his one day."

I smiled at the way Mor talked about her friends, her family. To have people speak about you with such love and pride was a foreign concept to me. 

I dressed in my new clothes, a pair of tight fitting white cotton pants and a white long sleeve top that left a sliver of my navel showing, such different clothing here then my own home. Everyone was sitting around the table when I arrived, I took the empty play beside Lucien, Mor on my other side lost in conversation with her cousin. "So when exactly did Amren say she was coming back?" 

"She didn't." Rhys said shoving food into his mouth. 

"You said you received a message this morning." 

"Yes well I did not think the dinner table was the place to discuss how Amren was enjoying Varians cock in Adriata." Rhys said with a shrug. Cassian let out a belting laugh, Azriel beside him tried to hide a grin behind his wine glass. 

"By the cauldron," Mor said. "Is that really all she said. Disappears without a word for almost a year and sends a message about the princes cock, I shouldn't have expected anything less I suppose."

And dinner continued on as if that strange conversation hadn't just occurred, I was amazing at the discussions taking place around me. Cassian and Mor ended up in an argument halfway through which resulted in a wine jug shattering at the wall nearest the former, "that happens most nights." Feyre informed me with a gleam in her eye. "You'll get used to it." 

That made me smile, perhaps they would want me to stay here with them. I hadn't really thought about where I would go if the situation wasn't permanent. After dinner I sought out Lucian in the sitting room. "You know I think the guards last night were unnecessary." I said taking a seat beside him on the couch.

He tensed for a moment and then looked at the floor. "I was going to stay myself, but Elaine has nightmares. Sometimes she calls for me, I don't know what would happen if I wasn't there. It didn't feel right leaving you here alone, I've left you alone enough for a lifetime."

My heart broke at his words, the guilt I saw in his hunched position. I took his hand and squeezed as hard as I could, "you didn't leave me Lucien. You were always in my heart and thoughts even when you were gone. To stay would've been foolish with those barbians lingering about."

Lucien looked up and smiled though it did not reach his eyes. "Was it truly that bad after I left? I know father kept you locked away in his keep but they didn't hurt you did they?"

"No. I was mostly ignored. Eris came sometimes but even he wasn't enough. I was content to live that life though until father decided to sell me."

His face hardened and for a moment it looked as if he would be sick. "It isn't right. What he does to his children. If you hadn't left I would've stormed the court and removed you myself before I ever let something like that happen."

"Thank you for saying that." I said and for a moment I knew he would've and that was enough for me. I had never been angry at Lucien for leaving but I had been angry at the loneliness it cost me. I blamed my brothers and father for that though. "Have you had word from the Autumn court?"

"No. Azriel has spy's and they will report to him when they hear something." Lucien stood looking at the window outside, the darkness getting heavy. "I'm afraid I must depart, I have meetings in the morning and then a picnic with Elaine." 

His smile grew as he said her name and his eyes sparkled. "I'm glad for you." I said and stood to hug him goodbye. I truly was glad he was moving on from Jesminda, I hoped Elaine wouldn't ever hurt him. 

~ thank you to bethyfisch for the lovely review. I will continue to work on the story, hopefully it doesn't take too long. I have lots of ideas for where I'm heading with it. I apologize to anyone for any grammar errors, my tablet sucks to type on sometimes


	10. Chapter 10

_The shadows swirled around me before they parted and my father stood before me. "I knew you would return daughter, though I'm afraid it doesn't make up for your earlier disobedience." A door to his right opened and in walked my brothers, various weapons gleaming in their hands, their faces spread into wicked grins. I pulled at the chains binding me to the wall but there was no give. "I'm sorry!" I cried out to my father but he only smiled that terrible smile. On a silent command my brothers moved toward me to begin their work._

I woke up panting, drenched in sweat. The nightmare fresh in my mind, my skin hot to the touch. The smell of burning filled my nose and I gasped at the bed around me. Black smudges formed around the area I had been lying in, parts of the sheets burned away entirely. I left the room and went straight out to the balcony to breathe in the crisp night air. The nightmare had seemed so real, I could still feel their fingers grasping my skin, the cold of the metal about to cut in. I let out a loud sob and used the railing to hold myself up. For a moment a pair of hazel eyes flashed in my mind and I thought of Azriel. The shadows that seemed to cling to him, never wanting to let him go. I wondered what had happened to him, to make him like that. I drifted back to sleep hours later, those same hazel eyes still in my mind. 

As if my thoughts could summon, I found Azriel the next morning leaning against the table chewing thoughtfully on an apple. 

"Good morning." I said to him, slipping past to pick up a piece of fruit of my own. 

"Your brother has requested I train you, not full on fighting but a few simple basics." Azriel replied looking me over, the first time I had seen him do so. "You still have your fighting leathers?"

"Umm, yes." I said hesitantly, why did Lucien want me to learn to fight. 

"There is no threat." Azriel said, answering an unasked question. "My spies have reported the Autumn Court is quiet, your father hasn't been seen in days. Lucien is worried he is planning something, we think it's better to be prepared." 

"You agree with him?" 

Azriel looked me over once more. "You have potential, I can show you how to use it to your advantage. How to block and basic attacks to take down an enemy. Depending how it goes we could move into other fighting styles, whatever you wish." 

I thought it over, all my time in the Autumn Court had been spent looking for ways to occupy my time. I had worked in the gym and kept myself fit, under fathers watchful eye of course. I told him I was restless, the answer seem to satisfy him. Truth be told I had always wanted to train, not just hone my magic but be a warrior. I had this itch to fight, it was strange but it had always nestled beneath the surface. The only person I had ever shared that secret with had been Lucian. My face broke into a wide smile, "can we begin today?"

Azriel looked taken back for a moment before he gave me his own smile. I could've sworn that time froze in the few seconds. His smile was beautiful and made him look younger then he was, it was gone as quick as it came but I knew it would stay within my mind for the rest of the day. 

20 minutes later I was dressed in my fighting leather, my hair braided down my back. Azriel was waiting for me on the balcony, his massive Illyrian wings standing tall. He held out his hands and I stepped into his arms as we took flight and landed in a small copse of trees not far from the mountain. 

"Why train out here?" I asked as he put me down. 

"To get a feel for the elements will help, at least for the first few days. Once you're ready we can move inside." 

I didn't think I would ever be ready. We stayed out there for hours, he seemed impressed with my work but it came with a price. My muscles were screaming toward the end, every bit of my body a bitter storm against me. 

"You did well." Azriel said looking me over, I knew what he saw. The bruises that ran along any open skin vanished within seconds, the longest ones lingering for about a minute. "How do you do that?"

"I don't know. I heal quicker then most fae I guess, I always have. When I was a child, one of my brothers played a trick on me that caused me to fall out a second story window. My leg was broken in 5 places, the healers were called but by the time they arrived it had healed. No one could explain it but I saw the looks they gave me. Some hissed witch, others were worse. I avoided anyone from that day who had seen, I couldn't explain what had happened and I didn't feel I had to. My mother always said the cauldron blessed me just a bit more, made me special. I think it was the only thing she could think of that would offer me some form of comfort." 

Azriel was studying me, he had listened to my entire story in pure concentration. I felt myself shrink a bit under his gaze. His hands were pressed togeher in thought and I studied them now, I had seen the burns before but had never taken the time to look at them. His hands, though scarred, did not look out of place on him though he was beautiful. I pulled my eyes away and found him looking at my face. "You can ask." 

"It would be impolite." I whispered. 

He smiled a sad kind of smile. "My brothers played a trick on me as well. Oil and fire were their idea of fun. They came when they heard me, the healers tried but they were unsuccessful in removing the scars. I was lucky enough to retain use of my hands so I leaned to live with them."

I walked up to him and took his hands into mine. "Your beauty may make others mistake you for what you truly are, but the scars on your hands will always remind them that you are a warrior." 

He seemed startled for a moment, maybe I shouldn't have touched his hands I thought. I went to pull away but he grabbed on and held our hands together. "And the scars inside of you mean that you are also a warrior, one of the most fierce I have ever had the pleasure of meeting. Not many can find the will to run after so many years or isolation and mental torture." 

Tears welled up behind my eyes and he caught one on his finger softly. Then he gathered me up and brought me back to the house on the mountain before disappearing into the setting sun. 

My body ached the next morning but no nightmares had plagued my dreams. The next few days I looked forward to seeing my brother whenever I could but also training with Azriel. I wondered if he was enjoying it. He was always quiet and thoughtful, tough but fair and patient with me. I thought about that first day we spent together often but never mentioned it to him. Every day we trained and every night I fell into a dreamless sleep, the exhaustion enough the keep the nightmares away. The next morning the kitchen was more crowded then usual. I walked to the counter and stood beside Azriel, my arm lightly touching his. "There's been word from the Autumn Court." He said as a way of greeting. 

Lucien handed me a fallen leaf, a message scrawled across in my fathers slanted handwriting,

 _Return my daughter to my side at once and I will not consider this an act of war. She is unwell and not fit to leave this court. Return her to me withing the month and I will forget this slight against my court._

My mouth was dry. Unwell. I was not unwell. He was attempting to weaken me, offering a simple reason as to why I had left. "He is insane." Lucien said looking the note over again. "He cannot proclaim war because his daughter decided she no longer wanted to be his property."

"You know Beron. He is slighted easier then most." Cassian said, disbelief lining his features. 

"I will go back." I said standing tall. 

Everyone turned to gape at me. "No." Azriel said flatly. "You will not return to a court of hatred because your father has a temper tantrum." 

"We will write to the other courts. I'm sure Beron has sent similar letters to them weaving tales of betrayal amongst our courts. It wouldn't be the first time someone from the night court stole away a women in the night." Rhys said with a wicked smile at his mate.

Feyre smiled back. "If I remember correctly, it was Mor who stole me away in the middle of the day my love." Mor let out a barking laugh at that. 

Rhys shot her a quick wink and turned to Lucien. "Write the letters and send them to the other High Lords. You know what to say I'm sure." 

Luciens face was set into a hard line. "Yes I do. While we're at it we need to contact Eris, he's the only one who will know what's truly going on in Berons head right now."

"I will contact him." Azriel said, he gave me one last fleeting look before walking out and taking to the skies.

"Will he be alright going into the Autumn Court?" I asked. 

Rhys shot a quick glance to where Azriel had just disappeared to. "He won't really be going in, he will use the shadows. No one will even know he was there. Hopefully your brother plays along nicely or Az may have to get rough with him." 

I hoped Eris would help. He had warned Lucien I was coming, sent him to help me. Maybe that was as far as his rare kindness would extend, but maybe on the other hand helping us would make picking father off the throne that much quicker. 

I slept terrible that night, tossing and turning through the random flashes of dreams. I dreamt of the forest alive with the colours of fall, Lucien and I were running through without any shoes on. I tried to keep up with him but I couldn't and soon he was gone and it was just me alone. The branches shifted and became something terrible and sinister. Before they could grab me the shadows pushed them back and I saw hazel eyes peering at me from within. I woke up to a thump outside my door. I knew it was him before I reached the balcony. Azriel was slumped against the railing, his wings standing but sagging slightly with exhaustion. I wondered to myself if he ever really slept, he always seemed to be awake. I eased open the door silently and padded over to him, he breathed a long sigh before speaking, "your father has reinforced his forces. Getting in and out was more difficult then usual. Eris received my message but I couldn't wait around for a reply. I was attacked near the border, they were fast but I am faster."

I knew my father would reinforce the brigade, he wanted a war, wanted them to strike at him. He was always prepared for war, it was like a second skin to him. 

I took Azriels hand and led him inside to the sitting room, pushing him down lightly. I went to the kitchen and filled a bowl with warm water. "I am sorry I didn't warn you." I said, gently taking his arm and pressing a wet cloth to the bleeding cut there. Azriel watched me work, I don't think he had even noticed the slight injuries. 

"I knew it was a possibility, our enemies are everywhere. I sometimes wonder if we will ever know true peace or if that is only found on the other side." He said quietly, his eyes tracking my movements over his body. 

I stilled for a moment and looked up at him. "A warrior not afraid of death makes him reckless."

Azriel seemed to consider what I said and nodded lightly, he looked exhausted his eyes heavy at the corners. I scrubbed away the dry blood from him and studied his profile as his eyes drifted closed. I felt a calming peace whenever he was near. Even in my dreams he had found me and brought me back though he did not know it. I brought my hand to his face and after a slight hesitation touched his cheek lightly. He leaned into my touch and let out a low moan but stayed asleep. I sat beside him and continued to watch him sleep until my eyes grew heavy. My last thought before I drifted off was of that moan. 


	11. Chapter 11

When I woke up the next day I was still on the couch, but I was alone. In the middle of the night someone had thrown a thick brown blanket over me, my mind flashed to the night before and I wonder if that was Azriels way of thanking me for cleaning his wounds. 

"Is the bed not to your liking?" A voice drawled from the balcony doorway. 

I started but it was only Rhys, a bemused smile lining his features. "Perhaps it is too soft? I had heard iron spikes were the preferred sleeping habits of the Autumn Court."

I shook my head with a laugh and stood to stretch my aching limbs. "I'm sure iron spikes would've been more comfortable then this couch."

Rhys let out a laugh and waved his hand over me. The stiffness vanished as quick as it had come. "If you can do that then why do you watch me suffer every day after training." I grumbled walking over to the kitchen to pour myself a cup of coffee. 

Rhys smirked and followed me, pouring his own cup. "I did you a kindness for the injustice done to you by my couch, don't make me take it back."

"Please don't." I said holding my hands up in defeat and smiling. I enjoyed talking to Rhys, for the most powerful High Lord in history, he wasn't half bad. "So what do I owe this early morning visit?"

"Most women would pay to see me in the early morning sunlight you know." He said, his smirk growing wider. "I am here to bring you to your new apartment, unless you would rather stay up here with the couch."

An apartment? I haven't even thought about moving to a place to call my own. "While being able to come and go as freely as I would like sounds nice I'm afraid I don't have the money for an apartment."

Rhys waved me away and finished off his coffee. "I offered to house you in my city, not only for Lucien, but because I see something in you that I used to see in myself. If you really want to make your own money then I will find you a place within my court after we have sorted out this mess with Beron. That is if you want to stay here once all is said and done?"

It was a question not a statement and I thought it over. I couldn't imagine going anywhere else. I'm sure Eris would welcome me back once he took the throne but what purpose would I have there. For so long I had been trapped and confined to the Autumn Court that the thought of returning, even to live in peace, frightened me. 

"I will stay on two conditions," I began. "One, you will need to find me a job where I can contribute to this court."

"Done." Rhys stated. "And what is the second condition of your continued presence here?"

"My new apartment better have an amazing couch."

After I dressed Rhys flew me to a balcony over looking the river. He opened the door and ushered me inside, my heart stopped in my chest. The apartment was large, everything tastefully decorated in darkest blue, black and silver. The balcony doors had led us right into the sitting room, there was indeed a large and very comfortable looking midnight blue couch in the centre flanked by two armchairs of the same color and fabric. They were sitting in front of a large black granite fireplace, a small fire already burning in its health. To the left there was a tasteful kitchen with a small table in the middle, 4 chairs placed around it. 

"The kitchen is fully stocked and you'll find your sleeping and bathing quarters up those stairs and down the hall." Rhys said pointing out the four small steps branching out in the middle. "If you don't like the decorating you can take it up with Az."

"Azriel?"

"Yes, this place was where he lived. He thought you might want to live close to your brother so he offered it up. Luciens apartments are right under yours." Rhys answered with a shrug and a glint in his eye. "It's a nice place isn't it? All the years I've known Azriel and this is only the second time I've been in here."

"It's perfect." I said quietly. Rhys gave me a sweeping bow and a knowing smile before taking his leave. I walked around after, my hands slowly touching everything as I passed. My room back in the Autumn Court had been done is various hues of scarlet and orange, being here made me feel like I was living within a starlit sky. Azriel had given up this place for me, the thought stayed in my head as I walked toward the back and headed to the stairs. 

The bedroom was just as, if not more grand, then the room I had been staying in before. The bed was covered in a midnight blue duvet, lines of silver snaking across it. Long black curtains hung in the open window, billowing out with the breeze. The room smelled of lemon and rainwater, I breathed in deeply and a pair of hazel eyes flashed through my mind. 

Lucien came knocking on my door about an hour later and I greeted him happily. "I guess the apartment is to your liking?" He asked, walking past me to sprawl on the couch. 

"It's amazing." I said flopping down beside him, this couch was definitely more comfortable then the other one had been. 

"It really is nice." Lucien agreed looking around the room. "Azriel always stuck me as a stone and granite type of guy."

I pondered his words, "don't you live under here? I'm surprised you've never come up."

"Azriel doesn't like anyone coming in here." Lucien said with a shrug. 

Azriel didn't like people in his apartment, his space, yet he had given it up to me. I remembered what Rhys had said before he left, he had only ever been in here twice and they had been friends for years. I wondered where Azriel would call home now. 

Lucien stood and held his hand out to me, "I was wondering if you might want to meet Elaine." He said almost shyly with with a sort or fierce pride over her. 

I smiled and took his hand and let him escort me down to the apartments the two shared. The layout was identical to mine, the atmosphere warm and inviting. Where as my apartment was all midnight shadow, theirs was afternoon sunlit forest. Colours of warm gold, dark green and brown greeted me upon arrival. The room smelled like lily and jasmine and morning dew. In the centre stood Elaine, she was lovely. She wore a simple dress of palest pink, her golden-brown hair piled on top of her head delicately. She walked over to me and laid an hand on my cheek taking me in. Her eyes were bright and a little vacant as she smiled brightly, "the scars may always show but one day they will heal over." 

She spoke in riddles sometimes, Mor had told me so over lunch. Still she was sweet and Lucien watched her with pride, his face beaming at her beauty. 

I spent the day in their apartment, laughing with Lucien and sharing smiles with Elaine. Lucien had told me nightmares still plagued her all these years later and I could see it in her haunted eyes, she wasn't quick to laugh but with Lucien near she seemed to brighten considerably. Whenever he left the table, that spark inside her dimmed slightly. She didn't speak much, but she did listen and enjoyed hearing of Lucien as a child. By the time I made it back to my own apartment night had fallen outside my windows. I went out to the balcony and stared across the river. "Azriel?" I whispered softly hoping he was near enough to hear. I waited until I heard the familiar sound of wings and felt him land beside me.

We stood in silence for a few minutes before he finally spoke, "how did you know I was close by?" 

"I didn't," I said turning to look at him. My breathe caught in my throat as his eyes met mine. "I guess I was just hoping you would hear me."

He nodded thoughtfully and leaned into the railing, his eyes never leaving mine. "Is the apartment to your liking?"

"It's more then I could've ever imagined." I said, meaning every word. "You didn't have to give it up to me though, I feel as though I stole your home." 

He continued to stare at me lost in thought. "I didn't have a home until I came here, to this city. I was lost before. I didn't know warmth or friendship, the sun was as distant to me as any prospect of a home."

The shadows grew around him as he spoke, whispering in his ear. I reached towards him and touched his hand lightly, asking permission. He hesitated for a moment before letting me link our fingers together. The shadows pulled back a bit. 

"My entire childhood I was forced to ignore my instincts, I didn't begin training until I was eleven, I didn't even know how to fly. Rhys and Cass became the first friends I had ever known. This place became the first true home I had and I've always kept it private, I wanted to share it with you because I was hoping it could become a home to you as well."

My heart broke for this beautiful man in front of me, I held his scarred hands and felt myself leaning in until there was barely any space between us. I could see his soul in eyes as he held my gaze, never looking away. 

"Stay here with me?" I didn't know exactly what I was asking, but I didn't want him to leave. 

He didn't say anything just continued to watch me, lost in thought at what I had said or what he had told me tonight, I didn't know which. I reached my other hand to his cheek and ran two fingers down it. "Something keeps pulling me into you. I have never known true kindness like this and I don't want to take it away from you entirely. Stay in this apartment, your home, with me until I find another place I can call my own."

I had never spoken like that before, suddenly I was afraid. What if he didn't want to be near me, maybe the shadows around me were too much with the weight of his own. He raised his hand and tucked a piece of my hair behind my hair, his fingers lingering on my skin a moment longer. "Thank you for your offer," he said and I felt the beginning of a rejection. I went to pull away but he held me to him. "I will stay until you no longer have need of me." 

I felt my heart beat faster and felt a profound sense of relief. 

Later I lay in bed, Azriel had insisted on the couch, and thought back to the balcony. I had never felt a pull like that before with another person, especially not a male. There was something inside of him that called to me. That night I slept in darkness, no nightmares plagued me and I woke with a sense of calm I hadn't felt in ages. 


	12. Chapter 12

"You're living with Azriel?!!" Feyre exclaimed over lunch the next day, nearly spitting out her wine in the process. 

We had met up at a small restaurant in the heart of the city, platters of meats and cheeses brought to our table almost immediately. I smiled behind my glass and waited for her to calm down. "It's no big deal, it's his apartment. I didn't feel right taking it and leaving him homeless."

"Az wouldn't have been homeless." Feyre said with a laugh. She set down her wine and watched me for a moment contemplating her next words. "Azriel is my family and I love him dearly, but he's not like the other Illyrians. Those shadows that cling to him, whisper to him, it makes him more guarded. For a long time he loved someone who didn't return the sentiment, I don't think he's ever thought about loving another."

"I would never hurt him." I said quietly, almost to myself. When I had left my room this morning and saw Azriel sitting at the breakfast table, a pot of tea already made, I had felt my heart skip a beat. There was something there, some pull that I didn't yet understand and maybe never would. It was hard to determine any feelings he may or may not have had towards me, but the smile he had given me as I had sat across from him had lit that fire within and for a moment I could've sworn my skin had shone. "In the Autumn Court, no man ever looked at me the way Azriel does. They saw me as a pocession they wished they could covet, a body they wished would warm their beds. Azriel looks at me in a way that I feel he sees something no one else does."

"Talk to him." Feyre said taking my hand and giving it a quick squeeze. "He may not be one for words, but if anyone can get him to talk it would be you. I've seen what you've seen, it was the same way Rhys used to look at me."

Talk to him. So simple and yet I found myself avoiding the apartment. Instead I walked along the river, lost in my own thoughts. I barely knew this man, how could I even be thinking about him like this? I had never been with a man, never even been kissed by one. To be close to me would've incurred my fathers wrath and no one wanted that. I felt the shadows in my heart darken as I thought of everything he had taken from me, my skin warmed and I felt the fire stir within. I was standing at the rail over looking the river and I felt the metal begin to heat under my fingertips. I jerked my hands away but it was too late. Where my hands had gripped, the metal was misshapen, as if I had melted it under my touch. Control, I needed to get control. My powers were in tune with my emotions, I needed to reign them back in fear of someone getting hurt. I felt someone land with a thump behind me and I turned to cover the damage with my body. 

"There's been a message from your brother, I've been sent to bring you up to the House of Wind." Cassian sent, holding out his hand to me. I took it without a word and we flew up to the house, gently landing on the balcony. 

Everyone was already inside, Azriel straightened away from the wall as I came in and I moved to stand beside him. "Your brother wishes to meet with you." He said quietly, his arms tense. 

"He wishes for you to meet him alone." Lucien said, a leaf crumbling in his hand. "This could be a trap."

"It isn't." I said thinking of Eris, he wouldn't have let me left if he wanted to trap me back in the court. "I know Eris almost as well as I know myself, he probably just doesn't want anyone to overhear what his plans are for the court. I will meet with him, did he give a location." 

"He wishes to meet at the edge of the Dawn Court, there is a tunnel from the Autumn Court that runs itself there. He wants you there tomorrow at dusk." Luciens face was set in a hard line, he wasn't happy with the demands Eris had made. Who knows what else he had written in the letter.

"I will accompany her." Azriel said suddenly. "We will fly to the meeting spot, I will blend into the shadows, Eris will never know I was there." He brushed my hand lightly as he spoke, so fast I didn't know if it was an accident or not. Mor shot us a glance and I watched her eyes settle on the hand that had just touched my skin. 

"It is better then everyone going I suppose." Rhys said, arms crossed tightly. "I still don't like it though, Eris is a snake. Even if he tries to play nice, remember who he is underneath."

And that was that, they settled into making the plans while I watched barely paying attention. Eris wanted to meet, things couldn't be good if he was willing to put himself in that kind of danger. I went to bed that night thinking of my father and what he could be planning, I was afraid. 

It would be a long flight to the meeting spot Eris had demanded so we were to take off early. I woke at dawn and dressed quickly, fur lined black and red leather and thick boots. I braided my hair quickly down my shoulder before joining Azriel in the sitting room, Lucien by his side. 

"Be careful." He said taking my hand and squeezing. "You may trust Eris but I do not, he wants that throne for himself Cali...I know he will do whatever he can to get it."

I squeezed his hand back and looked to Azriel. "Ready?"

Azriel nodded and held out his hands to me, I walked into his arms and shot one last glance at Lucien before we took off. The flight was long but Azriel knew the way well, the sight was beautiful from above. He held me close to his body, and I found myself again studying his profile. The sky was where he found happiness, the shadows were kept at bay and his face looked almost peaceful. "May I ask why you always stare at me?" He asked looking down and flashing a quick smile. 

"You are very lovely to stare at." I said simply, a smile gracing my lips. We came to a smooth landing soon afterward, a small break for food and water. Azriel stretched himself out beside a flowing river and worked out the kinks in his muscles. 

"Does flying exhaust you?" I asked biting into a bit of mango I had cut the peel off of. 

"It did at first. Learning at an older age made it much more trying then it should've been. Now it's second nature to me." 

"It must be amazing," I said. "To be free, you could fly anywhere and away from anyone in an instant." 

"I know what it's like to not know freedom, I will do everything in my power to keep you from ever having your freedom stolen away again." Azriel said, his expression darkening and fierce. 

"I trust you would." I said quietly. We finished eating in silence and were off again. We landed near the tunnel just before dusk, Azriel gave my hand a quick squeeze before disappearing into the shadows. Eris appeared half an hour later, he stopped at the tunnel exit and took me in. I walked over and stood close to him, "I'm alright."

"I knew you were, my threat to Lucien was very clear." Eris said brushing past me and taking in the forest. "I don't believe you came alone." 

He turned and studied me, the statement hanging between us. "I did as you said Eris, it is just us and the shadows here." 

"You brought the shadowsinger." He answered bluntly. "Why? For protection? I never knew you thought so low of me sister."

"I do trust you brother, I was just afraid being so close to home." I said stepping close to him to take his hand. He moved it out of my reach and stared at me, anger under his features. 

Eris turned away from me and yelled out to the trees, "why follow my sister here shadowsinger? It seems as though you care what happens to her."

"Eris enough." I said grabbing his arm and pulling him to look at me again. "How did you expect me to get here without help? There are things out here that would kill me just for walking to close to their territory. Azriel was just trying to keep me safe."

"Tell me, how long did it take for you to open your legs for him. I'm sure father wouldn't approve of you fucking an Illyrian bastard, is that where you found the interest?"

My palm cracking across his cheek echoed in the darkening forest. "You will not speak to me that way, brother or not." I hissed, my cheeks burning and my anger rising. 

His face contorted for a moment, anger followed by a deep sadness. "Forgive me." 

I hoped Azriel hadn't heard what was said, I had no doubt what he would wish to do to my brother. I gave a jerky nod and waited for him to speak. 

"Father discovered you were missing the next morning, he burned your room in anger. He sent sentries to find you but they came back empty handed, he wasn't pleased. He sent letters to every court but he knows you are with Lucien. He plans to lay seige to Velaris if you do not return to his side."

I took in everything Eris said, I knew he would be angry but to declare war. "Why does he go so far?"

"He is slighted, he took this as a shot to his pride and ego. There is something he's not telling us, something he knows about you." Eris said looking at the ground for a moment. "There is one other thing, if father goes to war he will not be alone."

"What do you mean, surely the other courts wouldn't follow?"

"Not the courts. It seems he had found a husband for you dear sister."

I bawked at that, he had truly found a price worth my head. 

"I don't know who he is and I don't know what he offered father. Some sort of power I believe. Father was quiet, contained in the lower chambers of the court for days. When he emerged he was glowing and there was the stench of dark magic around him. He has become obsessed with power and with locating you. He wishes to burn Velaris to the ground."

"Take the throne and stop him." I pleaded to Eris. "You should've made a move on him."

"I had to wait for the right moment." Eris hissed. "All that planning would've been wasted if I had chosen the wrong moment to strike. Not everything is about you Callissia." 

"Nothing has ever been about me." I hissed back angrily. "I lived in that court in solitude for years. Do you think I have no scars over that?"

Eris at least had the sense to look ashamed, something I had not seen often. The look he gave me echoed the day that Morrigan had been found on our court steps, a note nailed to her belly. 

"You never seemed to be in pain." 

"I was alone, days would go by and I wouldn't utter a single word to another soul. After Lucien ran, I felt a void over my heart. The only person who had cared for me was gone."

"I have always cared about you." Eris snarled, the anger bubbling back to the surface. "Why do you think I am doing everything I can to keep you safe? I wish to make up to you all those years that you lost your faith in me."

I didn't know what to say to those words, I had rarely seen this version of my brother. 

"I will tell you all I have learned of the man father has promised your hand too. He is a mystery, he comes to the court in the middle of the night and doesn't allow others to his meetings with father. What I learned are things father let slip during dinner." Eris began. "He lives in the wrecked land of Hybern, he has an army and he has power. He fought in the war, he was one of Hyberns generals, but he was also a coward. He took a small force and retreated just as the battle turned." Eris had a look of disgust on his face. "He has a high interest in you. Not only your power but also your body..."

Eris trailed off, I was not surprised by what he said. There was a rare magic in bedding a female with both her magic and her virginity intact. 

"Do not let your guard down and learn all you can about your powers." Eris said, placing a hand lightly on my shoulder. "You are strong, I have always thought so. There are not many things I regret, but the way I have treated you is something that will haunt me until I meet the other side."

I pulled Eris to me and thanked him. I had never heard him speak such words and it made me remember the brother he had once been to me when we were children. He took one last at me and turned toward the tunnel, "keep my sister safe shadowsinger." And with that he was gone, lost to the blackness. 


	13. Chapter 13

Azriel appeared at my side the moment Eris was no longer visible in the tunnel. He looked at me a long while before holding his arms out. I went to him and we took to the sky to begin our journey back to Velaris. He had heard everything Eris said, I knew that for certain. I felt embarrassed being in his arms after the words my brother had spat at me, he knew there hadn't been truth to them he had just wanted to hurt me. I sometimes wondered why Eris was the way he was, would lay awake in my bed and think of all the cruel and unnecessary words he had every spoken to me. It was a wall he kept up, the wall he used to keep our brothers at bay. I felt tears behind my eyes and I willed them away, strong souls don't cry. 

Azriel suddenly changed course and flew to the ground, landing harder then usual. "Do not ever say that." He said and I realized I had spoken the words aloud. "If you need to cry you will cry, if you need to shout do it now where no one will hear, and if you need to fight then fight me."

I stared at him, the fierce warrior in front of me. He was so strong, stronger then most others would be after what he had endured, I wondered if he had ever cried in the dark. I watched the shadows rise up around him and whisper into his ear, perhaps reminding him of the things he had to be strong against. 

"We will camp here tonight, night has already fallen and I would rather not fly with you in the dark." 

I nodded and stood silently while he set up a tent and got a fire going. The warmth seeped into my bones and only then did I realize how cold I had been. I warmed myself a long time before Azriel spoke again. "The tent is yours for the night Cali, I will stand watch over you out here."

"Do you never sleep?" I asked, the first words I had spoken in hours. 

"I can go a long time on very little sleep." He said before taking my hand and leading me to the tent. 

He made to pull away but I grasped him tight. "Stay inside with me, I don't wish to be alone." I whispered. He looked like he would reject my offer but after of moment of deliberation he gave a curt nod and followed me inside. We lay beside each other, almost touching. The tent was small and Azriel was heavily muscled and took up a lot of the space. 

"What your brother said, about you being strong," Azriel began suddenly, speaking in the darkness beside me. "That's the first thing I have ever heard Eris say that I wholly agreed with. Don't let what happened ever define you and trust that I, we, will keep you safe."

I turned to him and watched his dark outline, watched his chest rise and fall slowly. "You asked me earlier why I always stare at you? It is because I find it hard to tear my eyes away from you."

I lifted myself up and moved closer so that our bodies were finally touching, his warmth enveloped me and I could feel his breathe on my face. I breathed in his scent, lemon and rainwater filling my nose, before leaning down and touching my lips to his gently. He didn't move at first but he didn't pull away either. After a moment he hesitantly put his hand on my face and pulled me down, deepening the kiss. His lips were smooth and his tongue touched my lips lightly asking entrance. I gave in quick. My hand traced a pattern down his face to his chest and I felt his steady heartbeat beneath my fingers. We parted suddenly and I found I was breathing heavy, my body was on fire from the inside and I knew if he asked I would give in to him. Instead he pulled my head down to his chest and ran his fingers through my hair until I drifted off into a dreamless sleep. 

When I woke up the next morning, Azriel was gone again. I found him outside looking into the ash of the fire pit, his body tense. "Are you ready to go?" He asked by way of greeting. 

"Yes." I said quietly, willing him to turn and look at me. He didn't, he avoided my gaze completely as he packed up our campsite and took me in his arms to take to the skies again. The journey back was quiet, his body staying tense the entire way. He dropped me off at our apartment and flew away without a second glance. 

I didn't see or hear from Azriel the rest of the day, by dinner I was feeling utterly miserable. I had spoken to Lucien when we had returned but had declined his invitation for company. I was just debating going to bed when a knock sounded at my door. 

"I brought food." Mor said from the other side, hair gleaming and smile dazzling. "May I come inside?"

I held the door open and she stepped in and looked around. "Wow, who knew Az had such lovely taste when it came to decor." She said with a low whistle. 

We sat down together at the table and began to eat the food she had brought, I barely tasted anything. "I saw Azriel today." She said into the quiet. 

I looked up and saw she was looking at me with a knowing smile. "Did he-?"

"Say anything about you." She asked after I faltered and couldn't finish my question. "He mentioned he had dropped you off here but was going to stay away until his mood cleared up."

The unspoken questions lingered between us and I knew she was burning to know what had happened on our journey. "We kissed." I said quickly. 

Mors eyes widened and she froze, her fork halfway to her mouth. "He kissed you?"

I nodded vaguely wondering if the two had history. No one had mentioned anything to me. 

Mor blew out a breath I didnt realize she was holding and smiled that dazzling smile. "He has feelings for you."

"No, he doesn't. He has barely spoken to me since last night." I said pushing my food away, all appetite gone. "I feel I may have crossed a line."

Mor put her food down and looked at me, her eyes soft. "Azriel was in love with someone for a very long time, he never understand why she didn't see him. She did, she knew his feelings and she ignored them. She loved him in a different way and was afraid if she told him she did not reciprocate his feelings she would lose him entirely. She was stupid, but one day she finally worked up the courage to tell him why she had avoided his love. He took it the same way he takes everything, he told her he understood and buried those feelings deep down within." 

"How do you know all of this?"

"Because I was the girl." Mor said, a slight sadness flicking behind her eyes. "I will probably never be able to forgive how much I have hurt him. Azriel is more fragile then he would ever want any of us to believe. When I didn't return his feelings I think it solidified what he's always thought of himself. That he is unworthy of something as simple and pure as love."

I sat, stunned at what Mor had just shared with me. To love someone for so long only to be shot down like that had to leave a mark on your soul. 

"Please don't think of me as something terrible, I know I should've told him long ago and dealt with the fallout. I was scared and believed by not telling him then I wasn't hurting him." 

"I understand." And I truly did, she had a family she loved. A family she didn't want torn apart and the longer it went on the harder it would've been to tell him the truth. "I feel a connection to Azriel, something I have never felt with another person."

"I think he feels the same about you." Mor said. "Give him time, once his mood passes he will come to you."

"Was he shrouded in shadow?" 

Mor looked worried when I asked that. "Those shadows, they whisper terrible things to him. When I saw him, I could barely see the person beneath the shadow."

I went to bed that night haunted, every sound had me bolting awake hoping it was Azriel returning home. 


	14. Chapter 14

_The nightmares came in full force once I finally fell asleep. I dreamt I walked through a wrecked city, a great fire roaring in the distance. The smoke around me shifted and I began to recognize where I was...Velaris. The city was destroyed, there were people still screaming in the distance but the sounds were slowly dying out. I looked to my feet, littering the sidewalks were charred bones and sticky blood._

 _"I always said you were my special treasure." My father said from beside me, his hand gripped my shoulder tightly. "Do you see what you did here, your powers are far greater then even I could've imagined."_

 _I smiled and felt a sick sense of pleasure at his words, I had done this as simply as breathing. I wondered what else I was capable of._

I woke up to someone yelling my name and felt rough hands on me. "Cali, wake up!" They demanded and shook me hard. 

I opened my eyes and sat up, I was soaked in a cold sweat but my body was on fire. Azriel was looming over me, hands still clutching my shoulders tight. Sweat dripped off his face from the heat rolling off my body. 

"What happened?" I asked blearily. 

Azriel held me a moment longer before slowly retracting his hands. "I came home to the smell of smoke. There was a great light coming from your room, I opened the door and was met with this incredible heat. You were sleeping but you body was alive in golden flame..."

Azriel trailed off as if he couldn't even begin to explain the details of what he had witnessed. I knew the flame he spoke of, had seen it in my nightmare. "I destroyed the city and I enjoyed it." I whispered to him, bringing my legs close to my chest and shying away from his touch. 

"It was only a nightmare." He held out his hand to me in a silent plea. I hesitated before taking it, afraid I would burn his skin. He pulled me over to the window and opened the curtains wide. "The city is fine, see?"

I took in the view, the buildings were bright in the moonlight. The stars glimmered in the sky like diamonds. I leaned into Azriel and felt him stiffen against my touch. I pulled away to face him, "you came home."

He avoided my gaze and continued to look out the window, "I apologize for what happened between us last night, you were vulnerable and I was not thinking clearly." 

It was a blunt statement said with minimal emotion. 

"I should be the one apologizing to you." I said and he finally looked at me, those hazel eyes lined in confusion. "I wanted that kiss, wanted more then that kiss. I didn't know how you felt about me, I shouldn't have assumed."

Azriels wings flared out behind him and I studied them in the moonlight. Was there any part of this man that wasn't beautiful. "You shouldn't want me." He said flatly backing away half a step. 

"And why not?" I asked, anger skimming the surface. "I have wanted for many things, adding you to the list of things I want but will never have doesn't change much." 

My skin was getting hot again and my fists were clenched right. Azriel raked his eyes over me and grabbed my hand lightly. I felt the fire inside dull with his touch. "You shouldn't want me because I am not worthy of you."

He had said it. Mor had been right and in that instant my heart sank. This warrior before me was more broken inside then I had even known. He made to let go of my hand but I gripped him tightly. I stepped into his body and ran my other hand across his face. "You are worth more then me Azriel." 

He leaned into my touch for a moment before he stepped away and left the room. I felt the fire inside of me go cold. 

I got up the next morning to find Azriel in the kitchen, a platter of fruit across the table and a pot of tea warming on the stove. He greeted me with a smile that didn't reach his eyes as I sat down across from him. 

"Has anyone found anything on this man from Hybern?" I asked dipping a spoonful of honey into my tea. 

"Rhys has requested we all join him at the house after breakfast." Azriel answered, his tone clipped but gentle. 

We ate and then I dressed quickly before meeting him back on the balcony. I moved into his arms and my breathe caught in my throat as he held my body tight. So many thoughts raced through my mind and I swore I felt him shudder lightly. By the time we walked into the dining area at the House of Wind, everyone was already assembled. Papers and maps littered the table top and Rhys stood beside Lucien there muttering to him about what he had found. Feyre, Mor and Cassian gathered around them. Lucien gave me a smile as I came to stand beside him but there was not much joy in it. "We have found some information on who this man may be." 

"His name is Axis," Rhys began not missing a beat as he waved his hand over the table, a jug of wine and several glasses appeared instantly. "Trust me you'll want this when I'm through." He answered to my raised eyebrow. "Axis was one of Hyberns most brutal commanders, we've been trying to track him down since the war. Hybern is a desolate place and we haven't had any luck finding him."

After the war, Hybern had burned and been left to rot. No one went there anymore out of both fear and loathing. 

"Axis fought in the war, him and his brother Drogo were both feared commanders. They could both weild magic better then most. Before Feyre released Amren into her true form, Drogo went head to head with Helion." 

Eris had told me that about the war, every detail he remembered. I think talking about it kept him sane in the days that followed. Helion, also known as the spell-cleaver, had fought against this commander head to head on magic alone. He must've been good to keep up with him. 

"Axis stayed behind while his brother fought, drawing power from him when he needed to. That's how he was able to fight Helion and almost, almost beat him. When the tide turned and they were destined to lose, Axis broke the connection and fled taking a small force of men with him." Rhys finished, pouring a glass of wine and handing it to me. 

I drank it quickly, letting the liquid warm my insides. He had abandoned his brother to save himself. The thought made me sick, I looked at Lucien and knew I could never do that to him. Lucien gave a quick nod, a silent agreement that he understood the thoughts swimming through my mind. 

"So Axis runs, hides his forces somewhere in Hybern and only resurfaces to contact my father." I stated finishing up the glass of wine and refilling it. "Why even have interest in marrying me? How did he find out about my powers, father had kept me a close guarded secret my entire life." 

"He has spies." Azriel answered smoothly. "Who knows how many courts he has kept watch over."

"He's been waiting for the right time to strike, for the power to shift." Cassian said moving behind me and grabbing the wine.

"It still doesn't explain what I am." I had hoped finding answers about this man would make me feel better, less scared even, but just talking about him had me chilled to the bone. How could my father sell me off like a lamb to slaughter? I know he wanted power, know he had been restless since the war, but this was low. Lucien moved to take my hand and squeezed it lightly. I was grateful to have him by my side but also guilt ridden, I didn't want to put anyone in danger so soon after the war. 

"I'm going to Hybern." Azriel declared suddenly. 

Rhys nodded though his eyes held worry in them. "I wouldn't expect anything less."

I turned to Azriel, the fire awakening under my skin. "No."

"We need someone on the inside, someone to gauge what Axis might be thinking. It will be easy for me." He had decided, there would be no talking him out of it. He gave me one last piercing glance before he disappeared into the shadows. 

After Azriel left the meeting ended, there wasn't much else to do until he returned with information. Cassian offered to fly me back to the apartment. "Thank you." I said as we landed on the balcony. I made to leave and he put an arm out to gently stop me. 

"I know how it feels to worry so much about the person you care about." He said, eyes searching over my face. "My mate Nesta, she's in the human world right now doing some work for Rhys. Though it isn't supposed to be dangerous, I still worry for her safety every day. I've seen the way you and Azriel watch each other when you think the other isn't looking, he cares for you even if he hasn't brought himself to say it."

I thought on what he said and nodded. "Thank you, those words mean a lot to me." And with that I walked inside and shut the door lightly behind me. 


	15. Chapter 15

_Black wings flew across a sky full of rage. Thick gray storm clouds and long forks of lightening, thunder rumbling close by. Jagged cliffs rose up in the distance and the wings flew faster away from this cursed place. Fire flashed and suddenly the world was alive in light and sound. Bright blue dust sparkled in the air. The wings faltered and fell to the ground in a heap..._

I woke up and ran to the toilet to be sick. The dream had made my stomach turn and I had an icy fear trickling up my spine. I had no food inside and the heaving hurt my stomach. I stood there, panting, counting my breaths to calm down. It had been five days since we had last seen Azriel. I hadn't left the apartment, had barely eaten and had avoided any company. I spent the day worrying about him and the night in a restless sleep of dreams. The last four nights had all been the same; flashes of gold fire and hazel eyes and the sound of wings. Tonight had been different, tonight had terrified me. I couldn't stay in this room, it was suffocating me, my skin as hot as a flame. I left and walked out onto the balcony off the sitting room, I had a gut feeling something had happened. I had a feeling this was where I needed to be right now. I waited for hours and nothing happened. The sun would be rising soon. I took a breathe to steady myself and turned to head back inside when Azriel appeared before me, winnowing in from wherever he had been. He barely looked at me before he crashed to the ground in a heap. 

"Azriel!" I yelled moving to roll him onto his back. He was bleeding heavily from multiple arrow wounds and his breathing was slow. Each breath seemed to take twice as long. His eyes had rolled into the back of his head and sweat covered his body in a fine sheen. I smelled the faebane on him, it must have taken whatever strength he had left to winnow here. 

I needed help, I moved to get up and felt his hand grasp me hard. "Need you." Azriel said through clenched teeth, his eyes opening a fraction before closing again. "It calls to you..."

He trailed off and his chest stilled for a moment before he took in another shuddering breath. He needed help but I couldn't leave, didn't know how much time was left. I didn't understand the words he had been trying to say and I began to panic. He had gone to Hybern for me, whatever had happened was my fault, I was to blame for every wound on his body. I felt the fire under my skin, felt my heart beating fast in my chest. There was power within me, a power so strong I could feel it trying to break free. I don't know why, it was like my body knew what to do without my mind understanding. I placed a hand over his heart, the other cradling his head. I felt tears falling down my face as I tapped into something deep within my soul. The gold shone, bright and true through my hand. This heat was different then any I had experienced before, whipping through my body on a current. I watched the light shine through into Azriel until his body glowed as bright as the rising run. His wounds quickly began to heal, binding themselves together and disappearing into nothing. I felt the flow of energy drain out of me and into him. I had healed him. I had taken whatever power my body subconsciously used whenever I had been hurt and I had pushed it out into Azriel. I held onto him, terrified to let go. His breathing had returned to normal though his eyes stayed shut. I could feel his heart beating under my hand. I rose to get help and felt the blackness rise up and take me down. 


	16. Chapter 16

_All I saw was darkness. I could hear voices, but I didn't know what they were saying. Were they even speaking to me? It felt like swimming against the tide, trying to make it back to land before the water could claim my life. I moved at a sluggish pace, I wanted to get back to the other side, needed to get back. I saw hazel and knew I was almost there, if I could just pull myself up it would be okay._

I opened my eyes and was blinded by the sunlight streaming in through the window. Lucien was in a chair beside my bed, his eyes taking me in, his worried face breaking into a smile. "I was worried you were never going to wake."

"How long?" I asked. The sound came out raspy, my throat dry. 

Lucien moved to a table on the other side of the room and poured me a glass of water from the jug a top it. He came back to the bed and helped me drink, the cold water felt amazing on my throat. He waited until I had my fill before speaking again. "You were asleep for two days, lost in some dream world. You thrashed around most of the time, talking in your sleep the rest." 

I had been trying to escape the darkness, trying to get back. "How is he?"

"Azriel? He's fine, not a scratch on him. He was here for a little while the first day before he left to brood, no one has seen him since." 

The shadows had claimed him. I knew he would come back to me though, something deep inside told me not to worry. Lucien was watching me, a weary look on his face. "Do you know what happened?"

"There was a flash of light, the whole city lit up for a moment. Rhys and Cass found you both passed out on the balcony. You healed him, didn't you?"

I remembered the heat that had flowed through my body, the power I had wielded. I nodded and reached for the glass of water again, Lucien filled it up for me. "How?" He asked while I drank. 

"I tapped into my power, I don't know how, it was as if my body acted on its own accord. I was afraid he was going to die, I used that fear. I pulled the power from within my soul and used it to heal him, just as it has always healed me." 

Lucien was quiet, thinking. "This doesn't come from the Autumn Court, this is something else." He finally said, he sighed and ran a hand over his face. He looked tired. 

"Have you been here this entire time?" I asked. 

"I was afraid to leave your side. You looked to be trapped inside your own mind." I saw the fear in his eyes. I wondered how badly I must've looked to scare him like that. 

"Go home and rest. I am okay now." I said nudging him lightly with my hand. 

He didn't want to leave but eventually I was able to convince him it was for the best. I even threw Elaine's name in for good measure. There was something I had to, my soul whispered to me the way to find Azriel. 

I got out of bed and closed the curtain, the black throwing the room into darkness. "Azriel?" I called out, willing the shadows to carry my voice back to him. I didn't have to wait long, he appeared almost instantly as though he had been waiting for me. 

He shook the shadows off and brought his hand to my face, his touch causing my breath to catch in my throat. 

"You heard me." I whispered. 

He nodded and opened his mouth to speak but I silenced him with a kiss. I felt his hands slide down my body and pull me flush against him. This kiss was different, the pull stronger. I needed to feel more of him, all of him. I slid my arms over his shoulders, opening my mouth to him. Our tongues met, gently caressing each other as Azriel lifted me into his arms, my legs moving to wrap around his waist. We fell onto the bed and he hovered over me, his fingers playing with the bottom of my shirt. "Once I start, I won't be able to stop. I need to know right now if this is truly what you want?" 

I stared into his eyes and felt something snap inside me, as if I had found the missing piece of my heart and soul. His eyes widened as he felt it too, the mating bond that had just clicked into place for both of us. I pulled him down onto me and kissed him hard my hands running over his chest and up into his hair. He tore his lips from my mouth and moved to my neck, his teeth scraping lightly over the sensitive spot under my ear. I shuddered under him, the slickness between my legs growing. I ground my body into him, feeling every inch of his hardness against me. He moved away and pulled my shirt over my head before bringing his lips back down to my skin. His mouth moved down leaving a trail of ice in its wake. While he focused on my front, I felt his shadows snake across my back leaving icy kisses of their own down my spine. I moaned loudly as he finally moved to my breasts, taking one in his mouth while his fingers pinched the nipple on the other. Tendrils of shadow travelled across my body, cooling the fire threatening to boil over inside me. I felt his hands move up my thighs and cup my ass as he began to kiss down the rest of my body. Lips, tongue and teeth...he didn't leave a spot untouched. Azriel pushed my shorts down and stopped to watch me, his eyes glazed over. "Tell me what you want from me?" He voice came out low, almost strained. 

"Everything." I answered. He let out a low growl and buried his face between my legs. His tongue sent a jolt through me, my skin was truly on fire now. The shadows joined Azriels mouth and I felt it all at once, the heat from his mouth joined with the cold of his shadows. I moaned loud and Azriel growled in approval, his tongue diving in deeper, moving to taste every inch of me. I was on the edge of the world when he began to pump his fingers into me. My climax shattered my vision, I came undone. "Azriel." I moaned, my entire body trembling around him. 

Azriel pulled himself off the bed, eyes locked with mine. I was in ecstasy, flame and shadow continued to crawl across my body in a slow dance. My vision was clouded, the only clear part was him as we watched each other. 

"I always hear you." Azriel rasped, shadows dancing in his eyes. 

I lifted myself onto my knees and ran my hands down his chest leaving tendrils of heat, I kissed his hip lightly and felt him jump. My tongue danced across his skin, the need to taste him dominating my thoughts. He pulled away and I let out a low snarl. A smile crossed his face and he moved to unbutton his pants, freeing his considerable length. He was truly glorious, every bit the warrior I had thought him to be. I wanted every inch of him, every piece of him, I wanted him to belong to me as I now knew I belonged to him. I pulled him down on top of me, his wings tucked in around us, I reached out with a hand and caressed one gently. I felt him melt into my touch, his cock lightly twitching against me. "I am yours." I whispered into his ear as he pushed himself into my entrance with deliberate slowness, pausing at my barrier before pushing through with one thrust. I arched my back and he slowed his movement giving me time to adjust. I rocked my hips and encouraged him to continue, the pain was gone quickly and all I could feel was him. Our bodies quickly became one, we were awash in flame and darkness. The heat was scorching, the shadows icy cold tendrils, they both left pleasure in their wake. I could hardly breathe, stars exploded behind my eyes and I felt it again. The bond grew stronger with every thrust, every time our bodies joined together it became more clear. My senses were overloaded with this man, every thought, every pore in my body became him. We reached our release at the same time, Azriel letting out a roar so loud I felt the apartment tremble around us. 

Silence fell, our breathing heavy. Azriel lifted up to look me in the eyes, one hand resting on my cheek, the other holding him up. "You see me." He said, eyes searching over my face. "You always see me even when the shadows threaten to take me away."

I moved my own hand over his face and up through his hair. "I will always see you." 

He nodded, never breaking eye contact with me. I know he felt it as strongly as I did, that mating bond that had clicked into place between us. Even now it was there, I could feel it all around us. I moved my hand lightly caressing his wing, he shuddered and let out a low groan. "I meant what I said before." I whispered, my voice coming out raw. "I belong to you now."

"You are mine as I am yours." He replied leaning down to steal a kiss, his wings moving to cover us in darkness. 


	17. Chapter 17

Azriel was insatiable. We lay in bed for hours wrapped up in each other. Every touch and kiss he pressed against my body had me wanting for more. My blood was on fire, his touch the only thing keeping me grounded. My stomach growled suddenly and I felt Azriel freeze his never ending exploration of my body and chuckle softly. "Maybe we should get you some food."

I reluctantly agreed and let him pull me from the bed. I walked over to the window and threw the curtains open, the moonlight lighting up the room. Hands wrapped around my waist and Azriel pulled me into his hardening body, "we better make this a quick meal." He growled, teeth nipping lightly at my ear. 

I moaned and pressed my ass into him, his cock already hard and ready for me. Mate-my mate. Deep down I had known. That connection, that pull between us, this whole time it had been the most special kind of magic. I pressed against him one more time before pulling away, Azriel reached out to grab me but I ducked around him and left the room, grabbing my robe on the way out. I head him grumbling from the room as I made my way out to the kitchen. The sound made me smile, I was going to pay for that move later. 

Cooking wasn't my specialty but I knew I wanted to make him something, offering your mate food meant you accepted the bond. I decided to play it safe and toast some bread with honey. 

Azriel joined me in the kitchen wearing a pair of black cotton pants slung low on his hips. My mouth went dry at the look he gave me, his eyes even with those of a predator. "You're going to pay for the little maneuver." 

"Good." I rasped, trying to keep my eyes away from his chest and the tattoos inked there. I motioned to the table and he sat down, eyebrows raised. I piled the bread onto a plate and brought it over to the table, placing it down in front of him. 

"You're sure this is what you want." It was more of a statement then a question. I wondered if he had doubted me. Had gone back to thinking his wasn't worthy of me. 

"Eat." I commanded sitting across from him and stealing a piece for myself. I let out a breath I didn't realize I had been holding as he tucked in and started eating, his eyes flicking up to watch me every few seconds. He was my equal and with every bite I felt that bond between us again, it was the most permanent thing I had ever felt in my life. 

Honey dripped onto his fingers and I let out a low groan as he licked it away with his tongue. 

His eyes dazzled with amusement as he pushed his chair out and beckoned me to him with a flick of his wrist. I sat in his lap, his hands moving to grasp my waist lightly, wings curling in around us. He studied my face before speaking, his voice more gentle then I had ever heard, "I believe I'm falling in love with you."

My heart raced in my chest, "then fall." I whispered back, knowing in that moment that I already had. I would burn this entire world to the ground before I would let this man, my mate, be taken from me. A burning desire to love and protect him opened up inside of me and I felt the flame light within. My skin warmed and I felt the cold tendrils of shadow wrap themselves around us. 

Azriel pulled my face to him, "you're mine." He breathed before crashing his lips onto mine. I gripped his face hard, needing to be closer, needing to feel every inch of him against me again. Azriel lifted up and I wrapped my legs around his waist, grinding myself into his hardness. He pushed me up against the wall and ripped open my robe, fingers leaving marks across my skin that instantly disappeared. He tore his lips away from my mouth and moved to my neck, biting and dragging his teeth hard. I reached my hands over his shoulder and caressed his wings, admiring the beauty of them. Azriel shuddered under my touch and moaned into my breast, the vibration making my nipples harden. 

Now, I needed him now. "Azriel." I begged, rubbing myself against him again. His scent was driving me wild. "Azriel-please. Fuck me."

"Wicked mouth." He chuckled pulling back to look at me, his eyes glazed and bright. He reached between us and caressed me gently. "Tell me you're mine."

"I'm yours." I was practically panting, needy with desire. "Only yours."

He growled again, the sound stirring the flame inside, before releasing himself and sliding into me hard. We groaned at the same time, the sensation almost too much. "I love you." I whispered into his ear. He stilled for a moment before letting out an animalistic sound and pounding into me hard. Over and over he thrust into me, never faltering. I used his shoulders to pull myself up so he could get deeper. He growled in approval and captured my mouth in a searing kiss. The shadows moved to wrap themselves around us, everywhere they touched they left an icy kiss. The heat inside me heard them beckoning and released itself, fire and ice beginning a sensual dance over our bodies. My world shattered around me and I came undone, his name spilling from my lips as my climax hit me hard. Azriel grunted in pleasure, the pace he kept fast and hard. I knew he was close, could feel his release building up around me. I brought my hand back up to his wing and stroked him lightly, my fingers searching out the sensitive spots. Azriel exploded into me, the apartment trembled around us as he roared his satisfaction. It took him a moment to come down, our bodies aching in pleasure. He carried us to the bedroom and collapsed on top of me. He was panting, body slick with sweat. 

Afterward we lay there, our bodies tangled together. "You told me you loved me." Azriel murmured, fingers running through my hair. 

I pulled away from his chest to look him in the eye. "I meant it." I said willing every bit of what I felt to show in my eyes, I wanted him to know I undeniably belonged to him now. 

"I loved the same person for many years, at least I thought I did. It never felt like this, this is what it feels like to be wholly and completely in love with someone." Azriel took my hand and placed it on his chest right over his heart. "I have been waiting for you my entire life and I would be honoured to accept your love if you would accept mine back."

I didn't realize I was crying until Azriel leaned forward and kissed my cheeks lightly, kissing away my tears. "I love you." I said again as he leaned back against the bed pulling me in with him. 

He kissed my hair softly, "and I love you."


	18. Chapter 18

"Would you two put some damn clothes on and open up." Rhys yelled banging on the apartment door with force. 

I opened my eyes slowly and groaned, "maybe if we ignore him he'll go away." I said, burying my self farther under the duvet. 

"I doubt it." Azriel answered with a yawn, stretching the sleep from his body. He leaned over and traced a pattern across my hip, "but I'm willing to try if you are."

His voice came out husky and I turned to see him watching me an almost feral look on his face. I leaned over and pulled him to me, capturing his lips in a smouldering kiss. 

The pounding thundered through the apartment again, "you have thirty seconds before I winnow in there clothes or not."

"Oh, cauldron boil me." I muttered pushing Azriel away. I really did not want Rhy bursting in here and something told me he wouldn't hesitate. 

"Good idea, Rhys isn't one to make idle threats." Azriel said rolling out of bed and pulling on the cotton pants from last night. My mouth went dry as I watched him and I had to gring my legs together to keep from jumping him again. I had always heard the mating bond was intense, especially in the first few days, but this was crazy. 

"If you don't stop looking at me like that," Azriel began, walking back over and grabbing my chin lightly with his fingers. "Rhys or no Rhys, I will take you against this wall."

As tempting as his offer was another pounding at the door had me forcing Azriel away so I could throw some clothes on myself. 

I dressed quickly and was about to join the guys when a crash sounded from the living room. I ran out to find Rhys lounging lazily against the wall, a shield in place between him and the dining room. Azriel was on the other side snarling and thrashing against the shield, one of the dining room chairs in splinters on the floor. 

"Good morning Cali." Rhys said, sounding chipper. 

"What's going on?"

"It seems Azriel here wishes to break a few bones in my glorious body. The shield is to prevent the embarrassment I'm sure he would feel if his lovely mate were to see him get his ass handed to him."

At his words Azriel loud out an almost inhuman snarl and threw the dining room table into the shield. 

It took about four hours for Azriel to calm down enough that he no longer wanted to tear one of his best friends to shreds. The worst had passed but I knew for the next few days Azriel would be a little sensitive about any man who came near me. 

"How did you know the mating bond had clicked into place?" I asked Rhys as we all sat down around the living room table, wine and sandwiches appearing suddenly. 

Rhys let out a barking laugh that almost sent him off the couch. "You honestly didn't think you kept quiet did you? Your brother came to me this morning and practically begged for me to find him a new apartment...or at least make your walls sound proof."

He waggled his eyebrows at me and Azriel let out a low warning growl. I squeezed his knee tightly, his body instantly loosening at my touch. I felt my face go hot, Lucien had heard us? How was I ever supposed to look my brother in the eye again? 

"Are you just here to torment us." Azriel asked, his voice flat. 

"Usually my presence is a welcoming sight." Azriel let out another warning growl and Rhys held up his hands in mock surrender. "Fine, fine, I can take a hint. We received a message from Autumn Court."

"From Eris?" I asked.

"No, your father."

My body went cold. "What did he say?"

"The usual light hearted things. Return my daughter, will march on Velaris, listen to my demands. I have a feeling he won't be making it over for afternoon tea any time in the near future." Though Rhys spoke with humour there was a tone of bitterness beneath his words. 

"He threatened to march on Velaris?" I asked, my voice quiet. I couldn't let my father attempt to destroy such a serene place. "I will return home."

"That place is not your home." Azriels tone was blunt but the hand that reached out to grasp mine was gentle. "Your home is here, that place is nothing but a glorified prison."

"What other choice do we have? I don't wish for a war to break out because I was too weak to face my father."

"You are not weak." Azriel bit out. "A tyrant like Beron, he is the weak one. Throwing a temper tantrum because he once again did not get his way. No one would ever view you leaving that place as weak."

Our eyes locked into place, my heart fluttering with the words Azriel had spoken. I felt the fire inside light, felt it reaching out to him and his shadows. 

"We need to get Eris on the throne." Rhys said suddenly. "It's the only way to stop war, to stop Beron." 

"If father is readying himself to attack attempting to get a message to my brother would be foolish." I had a plan forming in my head, a plan I knew neither of these men would like. I took a deep breath to calm myself before speaking again. "I will return to court, to my prison, and I will kill my father."

Two pairs of eyes stared at me stunned. "To take another persons life is no easy thing, especially ones own father." Azriel said quietly. 

"He will never expect an attack to come from me. He will think I am meek returning to his keep, afraid of an impending war. He will think me too weak to even think of such a thing. Once he is dead, my brother will take the throne and end this folly." I had made up my mind, knew it was the only way. I would not let a war breakout, would not be responsible for innocent lives to be lost. I could go back and play the weak and sorry daughter if it meant these people, people that were slowly becoming family, would be safe for another day. 

Everyone was to meet at the House of Wind in one hour. After Rhys left, Azriel and I sat there in silence, our hands grasped between us. "Are you angry with me?" I asked into the quiet. 

"Did you know Rhys sacrificed himself for this city? Allowed himself to become some plaything of Amarantha to keep everyone here safe?" Azriel finally turned to me and lifted my chin with his fingers, his eyes burning with emotion. "That's who you reminded me of when you said you were going back. That kind of bravery is rare in a person, the bravery to return to a prison, to sacrifice yourself for others. I don't even know if I would be able to return to the prison on my childhood." He took a breath, steadying himself, and leaned his forehead against mine. "I have only loved you a little while and already I cannot imagine a life without you. Take that bravery and make it a shield against those people. You will go in there and you will bring that court to its knees before they even realize what you have done. And when you return we will begin the life we are meant to have, a life we deserve to spend together."

Tears fell down my face and he kissed them away silently one by one until our lips met. Golden light rose around us, encasing us in a heated cocoon, the shadows releasing to snake around our bodies pulling us ever closer to each other. Azriel pulled me down to the couch with him, every touch gentle and sure as he made love to me. And in that moment of release, the moment we hit together, I knew I had found the home I had always longed for. 


	19. Chapter 19

The Autumn court loomed in front of me, the entire place awash with the colours of fall. I stood at the edge of the woods and awaited my escort, per my fathers demand. The sun made the trees glimmer, their colours bright and inviting. The whole place was a facade, the Autumn court was anything but inviting. 

I had arrived alone and on time, another demand from my father, and had already been waiting twenty minutes. I knew my father wouldn't retrieve me himself, no that would fall to his sentries...duties like that were beneath him. 

Azriel and I had been the last to arrive to the House of Wind meeting, Rhys and Feyre had given us knowing smiles, Cassian had flashed a quick thumbs up behind Azriels back, and Lucien...I don't think I had ever felt more uncomfortable with my brother. His smile had been strained when he greeted me, his look to Azriel had been stern. It had made me smile to see that look-the look of a big brother being protective over his sister. 

"I can't stomach the thought of sending you back to that hell." He had said, the awkwardness melting as our plan had been revealed. "Let us come up with another plan."

"There isn't time. You know father. You know how he is when he feels slighted." I couldn't control the shake of my hands as I spoke. "This is the only plan that we have, the only plan that will help us avoid a war."

"You think you can truly kill father." It wasn't a question, but a statement, asked out of fear. Not fear for our fathers impending death, fear for what it might do to me to be the one to end him. 

I took Luciens hand, his skin cold and clammy. "How else will we ever be free?"

That meeting seemed like a lifetime ago, had it truly only been three days? Father had responded almost immediately to my letter, a list of demands and a meeting place enclosed. I was to wait at the edge of the Autumn woods, alone, until his sentries were sent to retrieve me. 

Azriel had flown me to the border between the Winter and Autumn court this morning. The journey had been quiet, there was so much I wanted to say but everything had sounded like a goodbye. "I got you something." Azriel said after we landed and handed me a small velvet bag. 

I tipped the contents into my palm, a silver necklace coiled there. I held it out and felt myself go speechless. It was the most beautiful piece of jewelry I had ever seen. The silver gleamed with a coat of fresh polish, on the end hung a small oval, its inside a shimering stone of smooth blue, black and purple. 

"It's fallen stardust." He said taking it and motioning me to turn around so that he could put it around my neck. The pendant was surprisingly heavy and hung just above my breasts, it glittered in the morning sun. 

"It's beautiful." I breathed, touching the cool metal lightly and looking up at him. "No one has ever given me a gift before."

"I wanted you to have something of me in there with you."

I felt tears in the back of my eyes and willed them away, I couldn't cry because I knew I wouldn't be able to stop. "I have nothing to give to you."

"You've already given me everything." Azriel leaned over and captured my lips, his wings enclosing us to each other. I put everything I couldn't say into that kiss, every emotion I felt for him. 

We pulled away and watched each other, making sure to memorize every detail. "Carry my heart with you while you're in there." He whispered, his fingers running through my hair softly. 

"Only if you'll do the same." I had replied. 

I had forced myself to pull away after that, afraid that if I didn't I wouldn't be able to force myself into this place. A horn sounded suddenly and I saw them, thirteen sentries making their way toward me. I felt a cold sweat run down my back as they cleared the woods, quicker then I would have liked they were suddenly right in front of me. The lead sentry removed his helmet and glared down at me. 

"Eris." 

"Nice to see you've come to your senses sister." His tone was dull and void of emotion, but he gave me a quick wink. He was playing his part for the men around us, leaving nothing for them to run home to tell father about. 

Eris reached down and pulled me on top of his horse in front of him, one hand holding my arm roughly, the other slapping the reigns to begin our trek back home. I kept my head down the entire way, willing myself to not cry, not yet. 

All too soon we were there. Eris left his horse with a stable boy and pulled me with him inside. He practically dragged me down the hall and into the throne room, tossing me to the floor. My elbow seared with pain but I forced myself up and found myself face to face with my father. I had never seen such anger on his face, it was enough to make my legs shake. Eris moved to stand on my fathers right, my mother standing slightly behind on my fathers left. My other three brothers beside her, all wearing horrible looks of glee. 

No one spoke for what seemed like an eternity. "You've returned." My father said flatly. 

I chanced a glance at Eris, he stared at me stonily but I saw the subtle nod he gave. It was time for me to play my part, I needed to convince my father I was still the same girl he thought me to be before I had run. "Please forgive me. I was foolish and afraid."

"Afraid of what daughter? Have you not lived a comfortable life, a life of safety and stability? You are my one and only daughter, I have always made sure you were properly taken care of."

"That's why I was afraid father." I made my voice wobble, kept my eyes to the ground. "I was afraid to be married and shipped off away from the safety of court, away from the only home I've ever known. Please try and understand, I didn't wish to displease you." 

I chanced a glance up. Beron was studying me and I saw it. His eyes gleamed for a moment, he had me where he wanted. His meek daughter had returned the same, the power he sought would still be his. He offered me a smile that chilled my insides. "My sweet one, you think I would put you in such danger. You have always been the most dutiful and obedient of my children, I did not come to make this decision for you lightly." 

It was a struggle to not roll my eyes. "Of course father. I know you have always had my best interests in mind. That's why I have returned home, I have a duty to this family and I intend to fulfill it." 

"I am glad you came to your senses. I would've brought this world to its knees to get back my lovely autumn leaf."

I hated him, truly hated him. To think this was the kind of daughter he wanted, one who would go along with everything he said. I forced myself to take a step forward and kneel at his feet. "Please forgive me father, I wish for things to return to the way they were. I wish to feel safe again."

I knew I had him there. If there was anything Beron loved more then himself it was people who threw themselves at his feet. It made him truly feel like the god he thought he was. I felt him lay his hand on my head, his subtly way of allowing me to rise. "Welcome home daughter."

I forced a smile but inside my body was on fire. I wanted to claw at his face, take the sword at his hip and stab him in his dark heart. It took every ounce of will I had to eat dinner with them, pretend to be happy to be home. My brothers shot me glare after glare, no doubt they had hoped to see me roasted on a spit for my disobedience. I didn't even give them the satisfaction of a look in the eye. After dinner I waited until I was given leave to return to my chambers. That impressed my father as I knew it would. My mother squeezed my shoulder lightly on the way out but said nothing more. It wasn't until I had firmly locked the door that I finally allowed myself to cry. 


	20. Chapter 20

"Nicely done sister." Eris drawled, clapping as he followed me into my room. "You play the part of a simpering fool well."

I scowled and tore the ridiculous wreath of leaves from my hair. It had been two weeks since my return to court, two weeks of one miserable farce after another. Tonight had been my official welcome home banquet and never had I felt more ridiculous in my life. I had spent the evening smiling and curtsying to the attendees, pretending to preen and enjoy all the lavish decorations and attention bestowed upon me. Father had even left the throne to grace me with a dance, an honour he made sure to remind me and everyone else of throughout the night. I was playing my part well, had even chosen to wore the gown and accessories father had delivered to my room. My act of obedient daughter was satisfying him enough that he had even let go of the two guards that had been trailing me since my not so triumphant return. 

"I mean it sister, you have father believing you are under his thumb. Perhaps he is more stupid then I gave him credit for."

"Or perhaps I'm a good actress."

Eris shrugged and began using his dagger to dig dirt from under his nails. "Perhaps, though I have heard some concerns about your behaviour."

I bristled. "From whom?"

"Avery has been asking questions."

Avery, one of my other brothers. Come to think of it he had been keeping an annoyingly close watch on me since my return. The only time I was away from his prying eyes were when I escaped to my private chambers. "Why would he question my loyalty?"

"He's an imbecile." Eris said, a scowl on his face. "He seems to think you've returned to attempt to take the throne. The Night Court has a High Lady, he thinks you wish to follow in her footsteps." 

I groaned and sat down beside him, of all the things for that idiot to come up with..."is he going to bring his suspicions to father?"

"I don't believe so, at least not yet. Neither Micah nor Tristan think that way, though he is hoping to convince them. I believe he's trying to rile us into a hunt sister."

Thinking of me as a potential contender for the throne would put a very unwanted target on my back, especially if Avery were able to convince my other two brothers. 

"Then you need to work and convince them that I am no threat."

"What do you think I'm doing?" Eris snarled making me jump. "You seem to ask a lot of me sister but what do I get in return?"

"What do you wish?"

"For you to look at me as your brother and not just a potential ally."

His words were blunt and cold as steel across my face. As children we had been close, almost inseparable for many years, until he had changed. He became cruel and vicious and we had drifted farther apart then I had once felt was possible. I knew most of him was an act, a front he used to keep my brothers in line. The Autumn Court was all about strength, if he wanted to rule one day he needed to be the strongest. I realized then that I had started associating him with the part he played instead of the brother I knew him to be. "I'm sorry." I told him and I meant it, if we were going to take over the court we were going to need one another. 

"I know I've done a lot of things I could never earn the redemption for, but I have always tried to protect you sister, always tried to show you that my heart has a place for you within its walls." His voice was raw with emotion, a side to my brother I had never seen before. "If it comes down between you and our brothers, I would kill them without hesitation."

And I knew he would, knew that every word out of his mouth was sincere. I reached out and hugged him, his arms slack at first gripped me tight after a moment. "I need you as both an ally and a brother Eris."

"I will continue to work on them as best I can, but perhaps it would be wise to stay in here as much as you can." 

"I'll try. It's hard to convince father of my loyalty if I lock myself away in this room."

"I truly don't care what father thinks about your loyalty, all I care about is your safety."

I smiled, my first real smile in day, because in that moment Eris had reminded me of Lucien. "May I tell you something?"

"Is this about the shadowsinger?" Eris asked, a brow raised.

"Why would you even assume that?"

"Oh please," Eris said with a huff of annoyance. "I could practically smell the desire between you that day we met at the tunnel. Not to mention the extremely threatening letter I received the day after you arrival back at court."

"Azriel wrote to you?"

"You didn't know? He seems to enjoy the word dismemberment quite a bit."

I pulled my necklace out from where it was hidden beneath my dress and pressed it into my palm. "I love him and he loves me, I'm doing this so I can begin a life with him."

"We better hurry this plan along, cauldron help us if father discovers his precious daughter lost herself to an Illyrian warrior of all people."


	21. Chapter 21

I was summoned to the throne room early the next morning by my father. Eris had left only moments before the sentry arrived to escort me down. I knew what my father was going to tell me, Eris had snuck to my chambers so that I would not be blindsided.

"Sit." My father motioned to a chair in front of the dais where his throne sat, I felt like a fly caught within a spiders web. "Your betrothed will arrive in three days time so that you may meet him."

I kept my face blank, he was studying me, gauging my reaction to his words. Another test on his part. "I am very excited to meet him." The words felt like grit between my teeth but I managed a coy smile, keeping my eyes down the way he liked. 

"I trust you to make a good impression daughter, I have put a good deal of planning into making this alliance possible."

"Of course father, I will make you proud." I forced the fire down within me, it was straining to be let loose, to burn this entire court to the ground.

"Be sure you do." He answered and dismissed me with a wave of his hand. 

I forced myself to leave the room calmly but as I stepped into the hall I felt my self control slip. I managed to keep my scream in and instead took my anger out on the wall beside me. Pain bloomed across my knuckles as I connected with the unyielding stone but I barely felt it. I was shaking and taking deep breaths to calm the fire stirring within. I could do it, I could lose control and bring this entire court to the ground. I almost wanted to but I caught my senses, there were far too many innocent people that would be caught in the cross fire and I quickly dismissed that idea. I decided to walk out to the orchard, the fresh air and the smell of fruit would help clear my head. 

As I walked outside I inspected my hand in the morning sun, the throbbing had already stopped and the swelling was subsiding. All that was left was a bit of dry blood from where the stone had cut my skin. It was a good thing I healed fast, I don't know how I would've explained the broken knuckles to my father. 

I felt a trickle across my spine and peered into the crop of trees to my right, I had the feeling that someone was watching me. There weren't usually workers out at this hour, not with the harvest so far away, but I wouldn't shake the feeling of eyes on me as I continued my walk. 

Eris had told me to stay in my chambers and here I was walking unattended through the orchard, I was as good as leaving breadcrumbs for my brothers to follow. I ducked into a cluster of macintosh trees to my left and began the walk back to court. I had come farther then I realized and forced my legs to move faster. 

I saw a flash of colour and then I was falling to the ground. I landed hard on my elbow and felt the shock of pain travel up my arm, my eyes instantly watering. 

"No need to cry sweet sister," my brother Avery loomed above me, his handsome face twisted in its usual sneer. "With those quick healing powers I'm sure you'll be all right in a moment."

"What are you doing out here?"

"Enjoying the Autumn breeze, such a quiet place to walk don't you think?"

He was watching me, his head cocked to the side, his eyes gleaming like a predator. I didn't realize I was trembling until I tried to rise from the ground and couldn't, my body was almost paralyzed with fear. 

Avery took a step forward and smiled. "I never thought much of you. I was content ignoring your entire existence, I knew one day father would ship you off and we would never see each other again." He face darkened as he watched me, hatred blooming in his eyes. "Then you pulled your little runaway trick. I didn't care, good riddance right? But then you came back and it was like the moon suddenly shone and I could see everything in the darkness. You were always there, waiting in the wings, waiting to take this court for yourself."

"I have no interest in this court, Avery please I-"

"Oh shut up. Do you think I'm as stupid as father? You may have everyone around here fooled, our brothers included, but not me. I see what you are and I will not be ruled by some woman."

I saw the glint in his hand then, he was truly here to kill me. My arm had stopped tingling, had healed while he rambled on. I felt the fire light inside, felt my anger like the wind stroking the embers. With every moment the fire burned I felt my fear slowly ebb away, I pulled myself to my feet and stared him in the eye. 

"Only a fool would think I would ever want this throne. Would ever want to rule a place I refer to as a prison."

I took a step toward him, my feet leaving smoking prints on the ground. He didn't back away but I saw the uncertainty in his eyes. I forced the heat to surround us, watched as sweat started to bead on his forehead. 

"What are you doing?"

"We may share the power of Autumn, but the cauldron only truly blessed one of us." I spat at him, the fire rose suddenly, caging us in a wall of flame. The flames flickered as bright as molten gold. 

The uncertainty became fear and I almost laughed, my tough brother was almost quaking in fear. "Sister, please. I was only teasing, you know I wouldn't truly hurt you."

We were face to face now, the heat pouring off my body was intense, if I touched him I knew his skin would crackle and turn to ash. "Remember that I showed you mercy." I whispered into his ear before pulling that raw power back, just like that everything was back to normal. The fire was gone, not even an ash left over to show they had ever shone. I gave Avery a look of pity before turning away and walking back toward the court. 

I felt him before I heard him, his hand wrapped in my hair and twisted my head to the side savegly, his knife digging under my chin. "Too bad no one is here to show you mercy." He sneered, his breath hot in my ear. "Goodbye sweet sister."

I felt the knife move to my throat and then the pressure was gone. I heard Avery grunt and turned in time to see Azriel smash him into the trunk of a nearby tree. 

"You're pathetic. She shows you mercy and you attack while her back is turned." Azriel raged over my brother, his shadows covering his body in their icy cold embrace. 

Azriel hauled my brother up and smashed him up against he tree again and I knew if I didn't stop this he would kill him. It wasn't that he didn't deserve to die, but Azriel didn't deserve to have that stain on his conscious. 

"Azriel stop." I commanded and immediately he went still, my brother falling to the ground in a crumpled heap. He turned towards me and his eyes flashed with emotion. 

We both rushed toward each other and suddenly I was in his arms and I couldn't remember ever feeling more safe. "Why are you here?"

"Eris let me in last week, he knew of a flaw in your fathers court protection. I've been watching you, making sure nothing became of the threats against you."

Every doubt I had ever thought of my twin melted away. He must have sent for Azriel just after Avery had voiced his concerns, had risked his life to once again protect me. 

I pulled Azriel in tight, his wings moving automatically to encase us. I had stopped Azriel from killing Avery because I didn't want him to have to live with that. I knew he had killed before on the battlefield but this felt different, personal even. I also knew that Avery would attack again, call it instinct or maybe I just knew my brother better then either of us had known. I watched him struggle to his feet, the knife back in his hand. Blood poured from the wound in his head, hatred etched across his face. Our eyes met a second before he came at us and that was it. I pushed Azriel to the side and unleashed that golden fire that had been roaring at me, begging to be free. It slammed into Avery, knocking him off his feet and forcing itself down his throat. I watched him claw and wrench with his fingers, smoke leaking from his nose, eyes and ears. It was over in less then a minute and then he was nothing but a husk of what had once been human. I had burned his insides up, I had killed my brother. 

I stared at his body, a slight buzzing in my ears before emptying the contents on my stomach in front of me. 

Azriel grabbed me before I hit the ground and pulled me close, I was hot and shaking, uncontrollable tears pouring down my face. 

I don't know how long we sat in the orchard, how long Azriel held me to him, stroking my hair as I cried. Eventually Eris came, his hand was cool and reassuring as he pulled me up to him. 

"Look at me." He demanded, his tone was rough but his touch was gentle on my shoulders. "What happened here was an accident, a game. We were practicing and Avery lost control, there was nothing we could do."

He shook me when I didn't respond. "Cali, this was an accident. I need you to tell me you understand." I nodded, barely hearing what he said. My entire body was numb. 

"Three rows down there's a path that leads into the lower wing of the house, take the third door on the left, the staircase leads directly to her chambers. Keep her there and lock the door." Eris ordered Azriel. 

I felt his hand grip mine and we were walking and then we were in my room and I was so cold. It was as if I had used up my own body heat when I had called on that flame. Azriel sat me on the bed and retuned a moment later with a bowl of warm water and a cloth. He cleaned off my face and hands, I hadn't even noticed the soot and dirt that lingered there. He was gentle, his movements unhurried and calming. He helped me out of my dress and into a cotton nightshirt before following me into the bed and gathering my body against his. 

Eris was in the room at some point, Azriel and him exchanged words I couldn't hear. The buzzing in my ears kept everything else around me quiet. A drink was pressed into my hand and I drank it because I needed to do something. The water was bitter and I knew they had put a sedative in there, I welcomed the darkness as it rushed to meet me. 


	22. Side note

Hello everyone, just letting you know I will definitely be continuing this story hopefully in the near future. Just been dealing with a few mild health concerns that have kept me from writing. Please forgive me for how long it is taking 


End file.
